offbalance: (big damn heroes by antheia)
There have been many ups and downs in the process of planning this crazy wedding shindig. Many. The important thing is that I have people to share it with. And even more importantly, people to snark it with.

For ages now (possibly before the ring was even on it, but I'm not saying), I have adored snarking wedding media. It’s inherently snarkable - the entire industry takes itself way too seriously. And I’m not just talking about the David Tuteras of the world, or the magazines or websites that push the wedding industrial complex and the idea of the special daaaaaay.

When J and I got engaged I headed to the "non-typical" bride side of the aisle, seeing as I didn't want the big-haired, spray-tanned, rhinestone jewelried, dj-with-smoke-machine, cake-that-looks-like-Tiffany-Box wedding details that are so pervasive in the part of Brooklyn I grew up in (and in the places where the people I grew up with have moved to or have relatives). A friend refers to it as the "LI Weddings" crowd, but it's not just Lawn Guyland that rolls this way. Too my surprise, what I'm finding is that the so-called "offbeat" brides are even more precious about meaningless details. (Not to mention more prone to fits of bawling and hand wringing). I like the fact that A Practical Wedding deals with issues outside of chair covers and etiquette, but if I read one more Wedding recap where the bride drones on about the “deep emotions of the day causing tears to well up in her eyes”, mine are going to roll right out of my head. I’m an emotional person, but reading about how these people started bawling at the drop of a hand-made doily because they saw the ring pillow their Great Aunt Gertie made coming up the aisle started to make me wonder if I'm some kind of robot. I don't cry. I cringe, I snark, I shut down, but I’m not a bawler. And what’s more, I was having a hard time getting worked up about the teeny tiny details of weddings. Reading all of the Indie Bride blogs (Offbeat Bride, APW, DIY Bride and a billion others), every recap I read talks about how important it was that they have an emotional connection to the detail of the wedding. Every last detail. I’ve joked with friends IRL about how these posts read about how they grew the cotton to weave into table cloths and raised cows for the buttercream on the handmade cake the baked with the flour they milled with their own hands, while their beloved blew the glass for the Edison bulb lights that would hang meaningfully over the reception. Oh, and the only vessel for either drinking or holding flowers or collecting the meaningful thoughts and prayers and hopes for the couple on paper handmade by the couple on a meaningful, sun-dappled day together.

Now, if any of you know me at all, this is not me. I appreciate the craftiness of others, but my own craft skills are limited. What’s more, I don’t mind things that are ready made. I found a lovely venue with nice chairs and tables and a nice view that is going to be doing the lion’s share of the work for me. I’m not excited at the idea of staying up until all hours of the night hand-crafting centerpieces or escort cards or meaningful touches that most of the guests will either ignore or smile at for a moment and promptly forget. In fact, I was having an even harder time trying to parse out why exactly some of this dumb shit was meaningful - I hate that I even know what escort cards are. In my mind, the only part of the wedding that should be super-meaningful is the ceremony. And only to a certain line (the part where it doesn’t turn cloying). In fact, all of the posts I read were about how these brides managed to have fun somehow despite nearly driving everyone in their wake positively barmy about the minutiae leading up to the day itself.

It seems that I wasn’t the only one who felt this way, though! I was reading the bulletin boards on Offbeat Bride last night and found a delicious wank that helped me have a marvelous moment of clarity.

The wank began sometime yesterday when someone posted that she was worried that her photographer (a big name wedding photog in Australia) was inspired by her wedding to write this rant. The rant didn't seem to be directed at anyone in particular, but at a symptom that has been running amok through weddings lately - frippery run amok; details and decor standing in for actual emotion; that sort of thing.

Naturally, the bride’s reaction to this rant completely missed the point the photographer was trying to make and completely proved him right. This line in particular crystalized a huge issue I’ve been having in the planning of my own day:

“Everything had meaning, the venue itself was an organic farm, without airs and graces - I planted hundreds of bulbs there six months ago that I only told a few people about. So yeah, for us, the 'details' were private demonstrations of emotion and the values embedded in our lives. ”

Am I the only fucking one here who is absolutely fucking bewildered about how bulbs or tablecloths or mason jars or fucking fairy lights in the trees are supposed to be ‘private demonstrations of emotion and the values embedded in our lives’? And more than that - how in blue blazes am I supposed to infuse everything from the dress to the dinner napkins with this all-important ‘meaning’, especially when I have no idea what in hell the kind of meaning I’m supposed to put in them? If everything has meaning, then nothing has meaning. And the whole exercise is fruitless. I've long suspected that all of the bloviating about the importance and hidden meaning of details was a way to justify the fact that you went insane over some trifle that no one gives a shit about but you. So, I found it really hard to get excited about any of it.

Maybe I’m not like some of these people planning weddings in that I’ve thrown some parties in my time, all varied in scale. And I’ve even been told that said parties were pretty damn awesome. Halloween parties that were discussed all year. A birthday party so epic it spawned a sequel a few days later (also equally epic). Good times. And you know what I learned? While a little detail can go a long way (some tablecloths and wall hangings and some halloween music to get in the spirit, perhaps), the real trick is to figure out a good mix of people who mingle and mix and make their own fun. Keep the drinks (boozy and non-boozy) flowing, serve some reasonably tasty food and give people an icebreaker, and all sorts of fun things can happen.

Look, I’m not laboring under any delusions of grandeur here - a wedding may be an important party, but in the end? It’s just a fucking party. Hopefully a good party. But still. A party. That’s what I want - a good party with good music where people are comfortable with each other and have a good time. No one is going to remember the centerpieces unless they: A) Fall over
B) are so bizarre that they impede conversation.

Few will care what the escort cards/poster looks like past the “Where are we sitting?” part.

No one will even look at the tablecloth, except when they spill something on it. No one will give a damn about the chairs unless there are none. I don’t want to run around with my hair on fire running about stupid details. I do that every day at my job and it sucks.

I already know that I’m a unique and special snowflake. I don’t need to do something that I perceive to be “totally original and unique and special” to feel like it. After years months of reading wedding media, I’ve come to the conclusion that there is absolutely nothing that hasn’t been done before. It’s all been done. So there’s not a reason on this blue globe why I should work myself into a lather trying to do the impossible and find something supposedly unique. I burned out on that trope years ago - it's like running to the horizon: impossible, frustrating and fruitless.

I’m just going to do the easy part where I marry this guy I love a lot. And then we take some pictures, I eat the expensive food and drink the expensive drinks I paid for, I punch a few people who are clinking glasses trying to make us kiss, we take more pictures, and I dance until I fall over. There will be a few personal touches that I hope make my guests chuckle. But that’s as far as this bus will go.

Hail to thee, Jonas Peterson. Your exasperated outburst made me feel so much better. I know more than ever that I don’t have to feel bad because my wedding doesn’t look like an Anthropologie catalog had a baby with a Pottery Barn catalog and the kid puked all over my wedding. Let someone else do that. I’m going to make a kick-ass playlist and a few phone calls and leave it at that.
offbalance: (mm how do you like me now)
You guys. It's been a week, let me tell you.

See, a week plus ago I had a cold. It sucked, but colds often do. Problem was that this cold decided it'd be cool to turn my chest into a crash pad. This being several varieties of not on, I saw my doc, and he gave me another asthma inhaler to work with the one I usually use for emergencies. Hokay? Hokay. For a day or two it did what it needed to and all was fine. Then one day I felt a little jumpy after taking my morning dose. And it went all downhill from there.

The rest of the week played out like a version of Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas for weenies. This shit made me paranoid, anxious, distracted, jittery - basically convinced I was smack in the middle of Bat Country. Not. Fun. Especially at work.

Of course, this doesn't occur in a week where I can hide in my house and wait for the chemically-induced crazy to pass. Nope! This was a week with Shit! Going! On! Every day, there was something else. Dinner Monday night with friends at a Mexican restaurant (wherein the waiter not only forgot to put in my order, but told me there was no avocado in what I ordered, when there totally was. Manager/Owner saved the night with a free cocktail and lots of apologies, but wtf). Tuesday was Trivia, Wednesday a night off, and yesterday was [livejournal.com profile] whtegrlwthehair's bday celebration (which was awesome), and tonight I get to see [livejournal.com profile] redstapler for a bit before running into Brooklyn for the fundraiser that [livejournal.com profile] quasisonic's husband put together for Tsunami/Earthquake victims in Japan. Tomorrow? More [livejournal.com profile] redstapler after a doc visit and some time with the folks. I don't plan to move on Sunday, but that may get torpedoed. The tired. I has it.

Only other thing of note this week is that we have officially booked our wedding venue!! :D One thing down, 2389473479 to go, but that's a BIG piece of the puzzle taken care of. Still, it was hard to enjoy thanks to the fact that I was tweaking my brains out at the time. I'm excited and freaked out all at the same time. This shit is daunting. But onward and upward, as always.
offbalance: (mm how do you like me now)
You guys. It's been a week, let me tell you.

See, a week plus ago I had a cold. It sucked, but colds often do. Problem was that this cold decided it'd be cool to turn my chest into a crash pad. This being several varieties of not on, I saw my doc, and he gave me another asthma inhaler to work with the one I usually use for emergencies. Hokay? Hokay. For a day or two it did what it needed to and all was fine. Then one day I felt a little jumpy after taking my morning dose. And it went all downhill from there.

The rest of the week played out like a version of Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas for weenies. This shit made me paranoid, anxious, distracted, jittery - basically convinced I was smack in the middle of Bat Country. Not. Fun. Especially at work.

Of course, this doesn't occur in a week where I can hide in my house and wait for the chemically-induced crazy to pass. Nope! This was a week with Shit! Going! On! Every day, there was something else. Dinner Monday night with friends at a Mexican restaurant (wherein the waiter not only forgot to put in my order, but told me there was no avocado in what I ordered, when there totally was. Manager/Owner saved the night with a free cocktail and lots of apologies, but wtf). Tuesday was Trivia, Wednesday a night off, and yesterday was [livejournal.com profile] whtegrlwthehair's bday celebration (which was awesome), and tonight I get to see [livejournal.com profile] redstapler for a bit before running into Brooklyn for the fundraiser that [livejournal.com profile] quasisonic's husband put together for Tsunami/Earthquake victims in Japan. Tomorrow? More [livejournal.com profile] redstapler after a doc visit and some time with the folks. I don't plan to move on Sunday, but that may get torpedoed. The tired. I has it.

Only other thing of note this week is that we have officially booked our wedding venue!! :D One thing down, 2389473479 to go, but that's a BIG piece of the puzzle taken care of. Still, it was hard to enjoy thanks to the fact that I was tweaking my brains out at the time. I'm excited and freaked out all at the same time. This shit is daunting. But onward and upward, as always.
offbalance: (buffy)
1. So far work is okay, but the week is still young. Didn't come back to any fires. In fact, I'm mostly caught up. Maybe? Sort of?
Moral of the story: Vacations are GOOD.

2. OMG J and I are going to potentially go and visit our potential wedding venue this Sunday. I'm both excited and nauseated. :/ Excited, because, duh. Nauseated, because whenever I am poised to make a large purchase, I feel like I'm going to barf. This goes back to my first big purchase evar, a brand new computer for me paid for with all my own coin, wayback in 2003. I picked out the entire system I wanted, and then after clicking "buy", I needed to go lie down.

3. I really, really want to talk about the Big Love finale, but I can't, because [livejournal.com profile] blergeatkitty hasn't seen it yet. It was very good. I'm real proud of them and Imma let them finish, but Six Feet Under remains the greatest finale of ALL TIME. Seriously. I just watched the last 10 minutes on You Tube, and I still bawl just like the first time. On a scale where The L-Word remains the most UNSATISFYING series finale of all time (seriously, Eileen Chaiken, wtf. I owe you a punch in the boob if I ever see you) and Six Feet Under remains the most satisfying, I'd say Big Love tips closer to Six Feet Under, and probably hits around the Buffy point on that bell curve. ("Chosen" was pretty damn good, but there were things that I wanted to see for stupid tinhat fannish reasons that I didn't get so I'm a bit sulky. Plus, Season 7 is my least favorite, so there's that, too.)

4. I started this post last night, and now it's morning, and I overslept. Gah.
offbalance: (buffy)
1. So far work is okay, but the week is still young. Didn't come back to any fires. In fact, I'm mostly caught up. Maybe? Sort of?
Moral of the story: Vacations are GOOD.

2. OMG J and I are going to potentially go and visit our potential wedding venue this Sunday. I'm both excited and nauseated. :/ Excited, because, duh. Nauseated, because whenever I am poised to make a large purchase, I feel like I'm going to barf. This goes back to my first big purchase evar, a brand new computer for me paid for with all my own coin, wayback in 2003. I picked out the entire system I wanted, and then after clicking "buy", I needed to go lie down.

3. I really, really want to talk about the Big Love finale, but I can't, because [livejournal.com profile] blergeatkitty hasn't seen it yet. It was very good. I'm real proud of them and Imma let them finish, but Six Feet Under remains the greatest finale of ALL TIME. Seriously. I just watched the last 10 minutes on You Tube, and I still bawl just like the first time. On a scale where The L-Word remains the most UNSATISFYING series finale of all time (seriously, Eileen Chaiken, wtf. I owe you a punch in the boob if I ever see you) and Six Feet Under remains the most satisfying, I'd say Big Love tips closer to Six Feet Under, and probably hits around the Buffy point on that bell curve. ("Chosen" was pretty damn good, but there were things that I wanted to see for stupid tinhat fannish reasons that I didn't get so I'm a bit sulky. Plus, Season 7 is my least favorite, so there's that, too.)

4. I started this post last night, and now it's morning, and I overslept. Gah.
offbalance: (mm serious as german film)
Hey, LJ. How's life?

Yeah, yeah, been awhile.

Work has been kicking my ass hardcore. I know that's what I usually say, but it's especially true lately. I feel kind of drained when I get home and not particularly like sharing. Which is too bad, because I have things to say for a change.

No idea what order I should put them in, but here's what's "up" with me at the moment:

1. I am now the proud owner of a sprained ankle. Apparently, I've been for some time. Said ankle had been bothering me a LOT ever since the Christmas snowpocalypse, when in my climbing over hill and dale I must have rolled or twisted it just a little too much. Then, I proceeded to walk on it for several months, not wanting to admit something was wrong. That finally came to a head during my vacation, and J all but frogmarched me to the doctor himself. So, after a visit to the doctor, I was handed a prescription for more PT. Yay. I like my therapist a lot better this time, he's a lot more knowledgeable than my last go-round, and I feel like we're making some progress. The truly frustrating part is how much time I have to spend off of my ankle, icing it and resting it, so it will heal. Anyone who knows how deeply I abhor sitting still for ages and not being able to walk a lot could tell you how very much I hate this.

1a. This has been complicated by feeling kind of nauseated and under the weather the last couple of days. Last week I wondered if I wasn't coming down with a cold. This time, I've been feeling fluish, but nothing blows up into actual symptoms. It's as fun as it sounds. I'd be doing more of the exercises I can actually do, but my stomach has been acting up so much I feel worn out and not really like doing much of anything. Blah.

2. When not feeling physically meh, I've been a little bundle of rage focused at all of these asshole politicians that want to do things like defund Planned Parenthood, legalize the murder of abortion doctors, and basically strip my rights away until I'm a fucking incubator with legs. While I support those I know who have chosen to have children, I don't even pretend to think that everyone should be a parent. And while I could go on about this literally all night (just ask my lovely and patient fiance), I'm not going to. I do everything I can to respect the choices of others, and, as hard as it, to respect the choices of those I violently disagree with. I don't get for one second why it's so hard for the other side to do this, but then again, there's a reason we call them "anti-choice." Because that's what they are doing everything to prevent: the ability to choose. The ability to have the education and information to decide what is right for the person already living. They are hell-bent on creating a world not unlike Atwood's Handmaid's Tale, which they are making clear, and why I am considering, sprained ankle and all, to go to the Rally for Women's Health this Saturday. If you're a woman, or you care about any woman, you should think about going, too.

3. I'm turning 31 in a couple of weeks. I'm also having my first joint birthday party, with J, who will be hitting the big 4-0. I'm happy to celebrate, but a good friend made a prediction a few years back (I remember it being [livejournal.com profile] quodlibetic for some reason) said that you pretty much freak out until you turn 30, but after that, it's kind of "shrug". So far, she's right, but we'll see how I am when 35 rolls around.

4. Oscars are also this weekend. I continue to dislike and resent this whole 10 nominated best pictures business. Either split into two sets of categories the way the Golden Globes do, or roll it back to 5. All of the other categories get by with 5 or fewer nominations, I don't get why they suddenly need 10 Best Pictures.

5. And in wedding plan news, I received the extremely disappointing news over the weekend that in the state of NY, you can't have a friend who ordains themselves over the interwebs marry you. (Another win for the Wedding Industrial Complex). So, the hunt is on for a justice of the peace, I guess. I'm so annoyed - I was hoping for us to be married by someone who knows us, who cares about us, and will respect our wishes, not some stranger (and definitely not some stranger pushing an agenda). I'm hoping at the very least we can find someone completely and totally secular. I guess I'll start looking when we nail down the venue, at which time I hope to stop being annoyed about this.
offbalance: (mm serious as german film)
Hey, LJ. How's life?

Yeah, yeah, been awhile.

Work has been kicking my ass hardcore. I know that's what I usually say, but it's especially true lately. I feel kind of drained when I get home and not particularly like sharing. Which is too bad, because I have things to say for a change.

No idea what order I should put them in, but here's what's "up" with me at the moment:

1. I am now the proud owner of a sprained ankle. Apparently, I've been for some time. Said ankle had been bothering me a LOT ever since the Christmas snowpocalypse, when in my climbing over hill and dale I must have rolled or twisted it just a little too much. Then, I proceeded to walk on it for several months, not wanting to admit something was wrong. That finally came to a head during my vacation, and J all but frogmarched me to the doctor himself. So, after a visit to the doctor, I was handed a prescription for more PT. Yay. I like my therapist a lot better this time, he's a lot more knowledgeable than my last go-round, and I feel like we're making some progress. The truly frustrating part is how much time I have to spend off of my ankle, icing it and resting it, so it will heal. Anyone who knows how deeply I abhor sitting still for ages and not being able to walk a lot could tell you how very much I hate this.

1a. This has been complicated by feeling kind of nauseated and under the weather the last couple of days. Last week I wondered if I wasn't coming down with a cold. This time, I've been feeling fluish, but nothing blows up into actual symptoms. It's as fun as it sounds. I'd be doing more of the exercises I can actually do, but my stomach has been acting up so much I feel worn out and not really like doing much of anything. Blah.

2. When not feeling physically meh, I've been a little bundle of rage focused at all of these asshole politicians that want to do things like defund Planned Parenthood, legalize the murder of abortion doctors, and basically strip my rights away until I'm a fucking incubator with legs. While I support those I know who have chosen to have children, I don't even pretend to think that everyone should be a parent. And while I could go on about this literally all night (just ask my lovely and patient fiance), I'm not going to. I do everything I can to respect the choices of others, and, as hard as it, to respect the choices of those I violently disagree with. I don't get for one second why it's so hard for the other side to do this, but then again, there's a reason we call them "anti-choice." Because that's what they are doing everything to prevent: the ability to choose. The ability to have the education and information to decide what is right for the person already living. They are hell-bent on creating a world not unlike Atwood's Handmaid's Tale, which they are making clear, and why I am considering, sprained ankle and all, to go to the Rally for Women's Health this Saturday. If you're a woman, or you care about any woman, you should think about going, too.

3. I'm turning 31 in a couple of weeks. I'm also having my first joint birthday party, with J, who will be hitting the big 4-0. I'm happy to celebrate, but a good friend made a prediction a few years back (I remember it being [livejournal.com profile] quodlibetic for some reason) said that you pretty much freak out until you turn 30, but after that, it's kind of "shrug". So far, she's right, but we'll see how I am when 35 rolls around.

4. Oscars are also this weekend. I continue to dislike and resent this whole 10 nominated best pictures business. Either split into two sets of categories the way the Golden Globes do, or roll it back to 5. All of the other categories get by with 5 or fewer nominations, I don't get why they suddenly need 10 Best Pictures.

5. And in wedding plan news, I received the extremely disappointing news over the weekend that in the state of NY, you can't have a friend who ordains themselves over the interwebs marry you. (Another win for the Wedding Industrial Complex). So, the hunt is on for a justice of the peace, I guess. I'm so annoyed - I was hoping for us to be married by someone who knows us, who cares about us, and will respect our wishes, not some stranger (and definitely not some stranger pushing an agenda). I'm hoping at the very least we can find someone completely and totally secular. I guess I'll start looking when we nail down the venue, at which time I hope to stop being annoyed about this.

Brain Fail

Jan. 23rd, 2011 09:47 am
offbalance: (Bridget fuuuuuuck by iamjoey)
This morning I had my second wedding-related nightmare. Have I mentioned that my actual wedding date is over a year away? Because it is.

It basically involved this weird mashup of places and people, both real and imaginary. I got to the place I was getting ready at, which was some weird, colonial-style farmhouse. What's more, the only way to get into or out of this house is by crawling through these tiny openings, which would be hard for even [livejournal.com profile] teany or [livejournal.com profile] redstapler to finagle, let alone me. But I did somehow. I ran around, my hair unwashed, my dress a mess, no idea where to find my shoes, what my vows were, and fucked if I remember what else I was looking for, but there was a lot of panicked running. I lost my ipod, then I couldn't find my bridal party. Just like my last wedding nightmare, I'd forgotten to put on makeup. This time I streaked some on badly at the last minute. Then, I crawled out the crazy door, and found myself in this supremely run down movie theater, a cross between a few in Brooklyn I remember (particularly the old Kingsway, for those who remember that place). And I couldn't find my wedding. Anywhere. I wandered into and out of movies with crowds and theaters that evoked Times Square of old, searching. I kept looking around for J, but there was no J. Everyone around me kept obsessing about my vows, but I wasn't, I knew exactly what to say to J, but I looked a fright and felt worse. As I was about to trip over my dress and plummet down a flight of wide stairs covered in a ratty, stained carpet, I woke up. What the hell, brain. What the hell. I don't even know where I get this shit sometimes.

And yesterday was great, too. I mean, it started off with no heat or hot water and several angry phone calls. But!
1. I found out I have the kind of friends who will offer a shower if desperately needed. (Thank you [livejournal.com profile] quodlibetic, [livejournal.com profile] reppep, and [livejournal.com profile] eatsdirt!)
2. I have the kind of sister who will drop everything and come and get me if I needed her. (Which is why the dream was so weird. She's at least one member of my bridal militia that I know would bungee-cord me to a chair and apply my makeup and fix my hair before letting me go out looking a fright for my own wedding).
3. The building got the water back on in 3 hours. Not bad.

I had time to shower before heading out to a friend's baby shower. Now, I've been to baby showers, but this was way better. Were it not for a few elements and baby-specific activities, this was like no baby shower I've ever been to. Among the things I really liked was that it was coed, there was beer, and there was an absence of the cutesy. Our incredible hostess made two pans of baked ziti, plus there was garlic bread, and cake, and lots of tasty snacks. But, it was just a good time surrounded by lots and lots of good people I don't see NEARLY ENOUGH OF. It was also the first baby shower where I didn't feel like booking it towards the door right at the buzzer. No one did. But then again, there were few enforced activities and no enforced seating (both good things). And baby-themed Win Lose or Draw was pretty damn fun. Plus, an idea I am totally stealing is a design-a-onesie corner, where sharpies were on offer and guests were encouraged to decorate plain white onesies with more personalized designs and messages. The results were amazing. If all baby showers were this awesome, I think more people would be excited to attend. It was an excellent day, and one I needed more than I realized.

And now I want something special for breakfast. Were [livejournal.com profile] lwoodbloo not off in Geneseo for the weekend I'd see if he were up to some Purple Yam or Cinco de Mayo. Not sure what I will do instead. I'm off to a good friend's bday later this evening, and then OFF FROM WORK FOR TWO DAYS. GLORY HALLELUJAH.

Brain Fail

Jan. 23rd, 2011 09:47 am
offbalance: (Bridget fuuuuuuck by iamjoey)
This morning I had my second wedding-related nightmare. Have I mentioned that my actual wedding date is over a year away? Because it is.

It basically involved this weird mashup of places and people, both real and imaginary. I got to the place I was getting ready at, which was some weird, colonial-style farmhouse. What's more, the only way to get into or out of this house is by crawling through these tiny openings, which would be hard for even [livejournal.com profile] teany or [livejournal.com profile] redstapler to finagle, let alone me. But I did somehow. I ran around, my hair unwashed, my dress a mess, no idea where to find my shoes, what my vows were, and fucked if I remember what else I was looking for, but there was a lot of panicked running. I lost my ipod, then I couldn't find my bridal party. Just like my last wedding nightmare, I'd forgotten to put on makeup. This time I streaked some on badly at the last minute. Then, I crawled out the crazy door, and found myself in this supremely run down movie theater, a cross between a few in Brooklyn I remember (particularly the old Kingsway, for those who remember that place). And I couldn't find my wedding. Anywhere. I wandered into and out of movies with crowds and theaters that evoked Times Square of old, searching. I kept looking around for J, but there was no J. Everyone around me kept obsessing about my vows, but I wasn't, I knew exactly what to say to J, but I looked a fright and felt worse. As I was about to trip over my dress and plummet down a flight of wide stairs covered in a ratty, stained carpet, I woke up. What the hell, brain. What the hell. I don't even know where I get this shit sometimes.

And yesterday was great, too. I mean, it started off with no heat or hot water and several angry phone calls. But!
1. I found out I have the kind of friends who will offer a shower if desperately needed. (Thank you [livejournal.com profile] quodlibetic, [livejournal.com profile] reppep, and [livejournal.com profile] eatsdirt!)
2. I have the kind of sister who will drop everything and come and get me if I needed her. (Which is why the dream was so weird. She's at least one member of my bridal militia that I know would bungee-cord me to a chair and apply my makeup and fix my hair before letting me go out looking a fright for my own wedding).
3. The building got the water back on in 3 hours. Not bad.

I had time to shower before heading out to a friend's baby shower. Now, I've been to baby showers, but this was way better. Were it not for a few elements and baby-specific activities, this was like no baby shower I've ever been to. Among the things I really liked was that it was coed, there was beer, and there was an absence of the cutesy. Our incredible hostess made two pans of baked ziti, plus there was garlic bread, and cake, and lots of tasty snacks. But, it was just a good time surrounded by lots and lots of good people I don't see NEARLY ENOUGH OF. It was also the first baby shower where I didn't feel like booking it towards the door right at the buzzer. No one did. But then again, there were few enforced activities and no enforced seating (both good things). And baby-themed Win Lose or Draw was pretty damn fun. Plus, an idea I am totally stealing is a design-a-onesie corner, where sharpies were on offer and guests were encouraged to decorate plain white onesies with more personalized designs and messages. The results were amazing. If all baby showers were this awesome, I think more people would be excited to attend. It was an excellent day, and one I needed more than I realized.

And now I want something special for breakfast. Were [livejournal.com profile] lwoodbloo not off in Geneseo for the weekend I'd see if he were up to some Purple Yam or Cinco de Mayo. Not sure what I will do instead. I'm off to a good friend's bday later this evening, and then OFF FROM WORK FOR TWO DAYS. GLORY HALLELUJAH.
offbalance: (Nemomento (kevinpease))
* It would appear that I have laryngitis. Some fun facts about laryngitis, from Doctor Internet:
- It's an inflammation of the voice box, or larynx.
- It can be caused by a cold or by allergies.
- It can last up to TWO WEEKS without being considered serious.
- The only real treatment for it is to not speak and to drink plenty of fluids.

The second part is not a problem. Anyone who has ever even met me for 5 minutes knows that the first one is NOT EASY. Now, for the past week, I have not felt well. I've been coughing and sneezing and been heavily congested, but I couldn't rightly tell if it was a cold or allergies. (Sometimes it's not obvious.) Friday was particularly bad - work turned on the heat for the first time and the air was thick with dust, a substance I happen to be heavily allergic to. I had a massive allergy-bordering-on-asthma attack, driving me out to Duane Reade for Robitussin and Claritin to help curtail the symptoms. (and they worked, for a bit). But I felt pretty raw, and so did my throat, although I figured that was from what happened and I thought nothing of it. Saturday I woke up with half of a strained voice and a very sore throat. But I went about my already-planned Saturday anyway, thanks to the help of tylenol, Halls, and hot tea. By Saturday evening, I was silenced. Yesterday was even worse. And today. Since a big part of my job involves the phone, I stayed home. But since I'm not dead-in-bed sick, I feel a tiny bit silly. I don't know if I'm contagious or not. But I don't have a fever or any strep symptoms, so yay for that. Don't know what I am going to do (or should do) about tomorrow. I feel run down, and basically fine until I try to speak. Then my throat turns into a pit of ash, rocks and fire, and my voice box says, "No, fuck you.." ::hands::

* Saturday was Day Two of the Dress Hunt. This time, I was joined by [livejournal.com profile] quasisonic and [livejournal.com profile] blergeatkitty. We went to the showroom of a fancy designer who was having a sample sale. I tried on a handful of dresses there in my "size", and was sorely tempted by one. I think I was actually tempted, but I couldn't really tell - the whole experience was rife with the kind of invisible pressure that I'd feared and conquered in my first two dress visits. The fact that the designers were right there and pinning me and telling me that it would take "just a few tweaks" to get the dress right, and how good it looked on me, and what a good sale they were having for only that weekend. Gah. Then I discovered that to make the sale dress wearable I'd have to pay for some outrageously priced alterations, and my most excellent wedding party got me out of there with the deftness of some kind of bridal black ops team. As we brunched at the nearby Malibu Diner, next to one of the worst-behaved toddlers I have ever been subjected to, someone brought up the fact that we'd walked by a David's Bridal on the way and maybe we should check them out. [livejournal.com profile] quasisonic pointed out that they couldn't be worse than the mini-episode of Say Yes to the Dress that we'd just lived through and Blerg joked that she'd heard that I'd "LOVE David's Bridal." HA! So off we went. And it was a great idea.

When we got to David's, the woman at the front desk said they were booked up, but I was welcome to put my name on a waiting list and walk around. Which we did, and had a lot of fun doing. After about 15-20 minutes maximum, my name got called. I got paired with a consultant named Caitlin that I liked immediately. She introduced herself, and I showed her some of the dresses I liked. She asked my street size, explained that their bridal sizing "runs small," but told me to not worry about the tag, that it's about fit and proportion and finding the dress that makes me look the best. I appreciated the pep talk, honestly. Even if she was trained to say it, it came off as really genuine. I tried on a few dresses that [livejournal.com profile] blergeatkitty and [livejournal.com profile] quasisonic were pretty crazy about, as well as one that they seem to think might be 'the one.' (I'm not as sure, but it's definitely shot up to the top 5). Most importantly, we had an absolute blast. AND they let us take pictures, but those are not getting posted for a few reasons. It was still nice to be able to look at them the next day and review.

I plan to make another trip back to RK to try on more stuff, but the field is certainly narrowing. And we made some headway on the bridesmaids, too, which was exciting.

* I also finished my Halloween costume, and I'm pretty psyched about it and how it's going to look. :)

*Jill Sobule's song to trampy Halloween costumes Thanks to [livejournal.com profile] reppep for the link!

* Still no voice. And still stir crazy. Blah.
offbalance: (Nemomento (kevinpease))
* It would appear that I have laryngitis. Some fun facts about laryngitis, from Doctor Internet:
- It's an inflammation of the voice box, or larynx.
- It can be caused by a cold or by allergies.
- It can last up to TWO WEEKS without being considered serious.
- The only real treatment for it is to not speak and to drink plenty of fluids.

The second part is not a problem. Anyone who has ever even met me for 5 minutes knows that the first one is NOT EASY. Now, for the past week, I have not felt well. I've been coughing and sneezing and been heavily congested, but I couldn't rightly tell if it was a cold or allergies. (Sometimes it's not obvious.) Friday was particularly bad - work turned on the heat for the first time and the air was thick with dust, a substance I happen to be heavily allergic to. I had a massive allergy-bordering-on-asthma attack, driving me out to Duane Reade for Robitussin and Claritin to help curtail the symptoms. (and they worked, for a bit). But I felt pretty raw, and so did my throat, although I figured that was from what happened and I thought nothing of it. Saturday I woke up with half of a strained voice and a very sore throat. But I went about my already-planned Saturday anyway, thanks to the help of tylenol, Halls, and hot tea. By Saturday evening, I was silenced. Yesterday was even worse. And today. Since a big part of my job involves the phone, I stayed home. But since I'm not dead-in-bed sick, I feel a tiny bit silly. I don't know if I'm contagious or not. But I don't have a fever or any strep symptoms, so yay for that. Don't know what I am going to do (or should do) about tomorrow. I feel run down, and basically fine until I try to speak. Then my throat turns into a pit of ash, rocks and fire, and my voice box says, "No, fuck you.." ::hands::

* Saturday was Day Two of the Dress Hunt. This time, I was joined by [livejournal.com profile] quasisonic and [livejournal.com profile] blergeatkitty. We went to the showroom of a fancy designer who was having a sample sale. I tried on a handful of dresses there in my "size", and was sorely tempted by one. I think I was actually tempted, but I couldn't really tell - the whole experience was rife with the kind of invisible pressure that I'd feared and conquered in my first two dress visits. The fact that the designers were right there and pinning me and telling me that it would take "just a few tweaks" to get the dress right, and how good it looked on me, and what a good sale they were having for only that weekend. Gah. Then I discovered that to make the sale dress wearable I'd have to pay for some outrageously priced alterations, and my most excellent wedding party got me out of there with the deftness of some kind of bridal black ops team. As we brunched at the nearby Malibu Diner, next to one of the worst-behaved toddlers I have ever been subjected to, someone brought up the fact that we'd walked by a David's Bridal on the way and maybe we should check them out. [livejournal.com profile] quasisonic pointed out that they couldn't be worse than the mini-episode of Say Yes to the Dress that we'd just lived through and Blerg joked that she'd heard that I'd "LOVE David's Bridal." HA! So off we went. And it was a great idea.

When we got to David's, the woman at the front desk said they were booked up, but I was welcome to put my name on a waiting list and walk around. Which we did, and had a lot of fun doing. After about 15-20 minutes maximum, my name got called. I got paired with a consultant named Caitlin that I liked immediately. She introduced herself, and I showed her some of the dresses I liked. She asked my street size, explained that their bridal sizing "runs small," but told me to not worry about the tag, that it's about fit and proportion and finding the dress that makes me look the best. I appreciated the pep talk, honestly. Even if she was trained to say it, it came off as really genuine. I tried on a few dresses that [livejournal.com profile] blergeatkitty and [livejournal.com profile] quasisonic were pretty crazy about, as well as one that they seem to think might be 'the one.' (I'm not as sure, but it's definitely shot up to the top 5). Most importantly, we had an absolute blast. AND they let us take pictures, but those are not getting posted for a few reasons. It was still nice to be able to look at them the next day and review.

I plan to make another trip back to RK to try on more stuff, but the field is certainly narrowing. And we made some headway on the bridesmaids, too, which was exciting.

* I also finished my Halloween costume, and I'm pretty psyched about it and how it's going to look. :)

*Jill Sobule's song to trampy Halloween costumes Thanks to [livejournal.com profile] reppep for the link!

* Still no voice. And still stir crazy. Blah.

Tuesdries

Oct. 19th, 2010 01:41 pm
offbalance: (newsteam by uptown girl gfx)
- All of those who want to hear about my adventures in wedding planning should follow the bouncing link.

- I am seeing It's Kind of a Funny Story tonight, and I'm really excited about it. I hope it's a decent adaptation. This is the first time someone I actually know socially has had a book adapted into a movie. Hopefully, it won't be the last. ;)

- Yet another way the GOP skewers survey results in their favor.

- Brooklyn Stylist Khane Kutzwell is attempting to open a safe space for LGBTQ folk to get the kind of haircuts they want. Really cool piece, and I wish them success!

- My throat is sore-ish. I do not like this. But I don't know if it's allergies/post nasal drip or something more sinister. Only time will tell.

Tuesdries

Oct. 19th, 2010 01:41 pm
offbalance: (newsteam by uptown girl gfx)
- All of those who want to hear about my adventures in wedding planning should follow the bouncing link.

- I am seeing It's Kind of a Funny Story tonight, and I'm really excited about it. I hope it's a decent adaptation. This is the first time someone I actually know socially has had a book adapted into a movie. Hopefully, it won't be the last. ;)

- Yet another way the GOP skewers survey results in their favor.

- Brooklyn Stylist Khane Kutzwell is attempting to open a safe space for LGBTQ folk to get the kind of haircuts they want. Really cool piece, and I wish them success!

- My throat is sore-ish. I do not like this. But I don't know if it's allergies/post nasal drip or something more sinister. Only time will tell.
offbalance: (freaking friends by leopard lady)
- I spent a good chunk of the day with [livejournal.com profile] redstapler. Always a recipe for a good day, especially when you add [livejournal.com profile] gaztherat to the mix (and a liberal application of Daria). I so need the boxed set - I don't miss the incidental music at all, which just goes to show how well that show was written.

[livejournal.com profile] redstapler and I had brunch at Oak & Iris beforehand. It was delicious. A++, would nom again. Also, it had a really nice vibe and staff. AND signs that said "No running and screaming allowed." <3

- Also:
Me: also, I managed to hurt my foot with bread yesterday. WITH BREAD.
[livejournal.com profile] redstapler: I...what?
Me: I bought this baguette from Whole Paycheck on Thursday. So, yesterday I cut a few pieces off to nom on and then put the loaf back in the fridge in its bag. Only, it slid through the bag, and the pointy part of the baguette hurt the soft part of my instep. I think this qualifies me for a Tonks badge.
[livejournal.com profile] redstapler: ...ow. And lol.

(I am going to miss the hell out of her when she moves.)

- Last night [livejournal.com profile] j_bkl and I caught the rescheduled Kings of Convenience show at Webster Hall. They were awesome. I was only dimly aware of maybe one of their songs prior to last night, but that didn't matter one bit. The music was really incredible - each member played acoustic guitar and sang with really incredible harmonies. They also had one of the best opening acts I've seen in ages, a west coast band by the name of Franklin For Short that I loved so much I ran down and bought their album (a real vinyl one with a download coupon) before the set was completely over. Their music, to me, sounds like what it would be like to drive down the Pacific Coast Highway with no traffic, the sun in the sky and the wind in my hair. J described their sound as "the love child of Jackson Browne and Death Cab for Cutie." I think that's accurate. And, they joined the Kings for a few songs too, which was a nice blending of styles.

- I had my first CSA pickup this week! It was a few hours late (the delivery truck had some trouble), but I still was able to pick up and enjoy some incredible greens! We got arugula, broccoli rabe, spinach, lettuce, and japanese turnips. I made a dish with the broccoli rabe friday and I've slowly been eating the arugula, and I have designs on that spinach, do I ever. It's so exciting to have so much green to enjoy!

- Those of you who follow me on Facebook may have noticed that I've been goofing off with Foursquare recently. It's dumb, and/or it's fun, depending on your worldview. If it really offends you, blame [livejournal.com profile] redesigner, he's the one who talked me into it. It has no point whatsoever, it's kind of the digital version of "Yes, but have you got a flag?" I've wasted time on worse. For now, I'm enjoying it.

- I have jury duty tomorrow. It's Federal Court, which I've heard is more organized than Supreme/City court. We shall see.

- After reading this article which was linked on [livejournal.com profile] weddingplans, I reserved this book at the library. I'm kind of loving how there's a growing number of people out there who are as disgusted as I am with these overblown, insanity-fest weddings that try to be a combination of prom night, new year's eve, the academy awards and a three-ring circus. I'm even gladder that the disgust is building into backlash, and I'm looking forward to reading it to see what Miss Manners has to say about fighting this insanity and throwing a nice affair anyhow.

- I didn't get the above book for my kindle because my new kindle rule is that if I can get it for free at the library with not too long of a wait, that's what I do first. If the library doesn't have it or the wait is ridiculous, then, I can kindle. But there's no point spending money when you don't have to. (that said, I did make a donation to the Brooklyn Public Library in order to hopefully help with their budgetary shortfall.)

- Further on the wedding front: I realized that I'm nervous about going wedding dress shopping. I'm nervous because of how you have to shop for one. See, most (if not all) of my shopping is done in stores where very few salespeople lurk. I prefer to be left to my own devices to browse, examine, try on and what have you. 99% of the time I don't need help, other than to accept a friendly offer to start a dressing room for me or to ring up my purchases (or maybe zip/unzip the occasional zipper). But, a wedding dress must be bought in a really old-fashioned, particular way that involves making an appointment, going to a showroom, having an appointed salesperson select things for you and be up your nose the entire time. I hate this style of shopping, mostly because I feel insanely pressured by it. It's not just me obtaining items I need or want. It's about me worrying about this person in front of me, and how their livelihood depends on a sale, and how if I spend a few hours looking and don't see anything I want, I will have deprived them of a customer who might have bought something and/or the all-important commission/mortgage payment/rent/etc. And, I'm sure this person, smelling blood in the water, will push this to make a sale, as is their way (the scorpion always bites the turtle, after all). I was a little more worried about it before than I am now, though. I talked to my mom about it. She'd originally said that while she'd love to go dress shopping with me, but I shouldn't worry if I just wanted to go myself or with friends, because she wouldn't be hurt and insulted and it's all about what works best for me and all that. Now, that was never an issue, I love shopping with my mom and I always have fun doing so (mom and I have had a blast grocery shopping together, for crying out loud.). But after telling her this, she said I shouldn't worry about ANYONE pressuring me into buying anything, because that shit wouldn't fly on her watch. (also, [livejournal.com profile] quasisonic wouldn't let that go down on her watch either, to be fair).

(and yes. I also know that I don't HAVE to buy dresses this way, I could just order them off the internet. But, I don't know exactly what dress I want, and I want to be able to try a bunch on, and it's a much bigger pain in the ass to ship wedding dresses back and forth from China than it is to suck it up and bring a protective entourage into a bridal boutique with me.)

- Speaking of buying things off the internet, I need sandals like woah. I've not had much luck this season. Not much is appealing to me. Best keep looking, I guess.
offbalance: (freaking friends by leopard lady)
- I spent a good chunk of the day with [livejournal.com profile] redstapler. Always a recipe for a good day, especially when you add [livejournal.com profile] gaztherat to the mix (and a liberal application of Daria). I so need the boxed set - I don't miss the incidental music at all, which just goes to show how well that show was written.

[livejournal.com profile] redstapler and I had brunch at Oak & Iris beforehand. It was delicious. A++, would nom again. Also, it had a really nice vibe and staff. AND signs that said "No running and screaming allowed." <3

- Also:
Me: also, I managed to hurt my foot with bread yesterday. WITH BREAD.
[livejournal.com profile] redstapler: I...what?
Me: I bought this baguette from Whole Paycheck on Thursday. So, yesterday I cut a few pieces off to nom on and then put the loaf back in the fridge in its bag. Only, it slid through the bag, and the pointy part of the baguette hurt the soft part of my instep. I think this qualifies me for a Tonks badge.
[livejournal.com profile] redstapler: ...ow. And lol.

(I am going to miss the hell out of her when she moves.)

- Last night [livejournal.com profile] j_bkl and I caught the rescheduled Kings of Convenience show at Webster Hall. They were awesome. I was only dimly aware of maybe one of their songs prior to last night, but that didn't matter one bit. The music was really incredible - each member played acoustic guitar and sang with really incredible harmonies. They also had one of the best opening acts I've seen in ages, a west coast band by the name of Franklin For Short that I loved so much I ran down and bought their album (a real vinyl one with a download coupon) before the set was completely over. Their music, to me, sounds like what it would be like to drive down the Pacific Coast Highway with no traffic, the sun in the sky and the wind in my hair. J described their sound as "the love child of Jackson Browne and Death Cab for Cutie." I think that's accurate. And, they joined the Kings for a few songs too, which was a nice blending of styles.

- I had my first CSA pickup this week! It was a few hours late (the delivery truck had some trouble), but I still was able to pick up and enjoy some incredible greens! We got arugula, broccoli rabe, spinach, lettuce, and japanese turnips. I made a dish with the broccoli rabe friday and I've slowly been eating the arugula, and I have designs on that spinach, do I ever. It's so exciting to have so much green to enjoy!

- Those of you who follow me on Facebook may have noticed that I've been goofing off with Foursquare recently. It's dumb, and/or it's fun, depending on your worldview. If it really offends you, blame [livejournal.com profile] redesigner, he's the one who talked me into it. It has no point whatsoever, it's kind of the digital version of "Yes, but have you got a flag?" I've wasted time on worse. For now, I'm enjoying it.

- I have jury duty tomorrow. It's Federal Court, which I've heard is more organized than Supreme/City court. We shall see.

- After reading this article which was linked on [livejournal.com profile] weddingplans, I reserved this book at the library. I'm kind of loving how there's a growing number of people out there who are as disgusted as I am with these overblown, insanity-fest weddings that try to be a combination of prom night, new year's eve, the academy awards and a three-ring circus. I'm even gladder that the disgust is building into backlash, and I'm looking forward to reading it to see what Miss Manners has to say about fighting this insanity and throwing a nice affair anyhow.

- I didn't get the above book for my kindle because my new kindle rule is that if I can get it for free at the library with not too long of a wait, that's what I do first. If the library doesn't have it or the wait is ridiculous, then, I can kindle. But there's no point spending money when you don't have to. (that said, I did make a donation to the Brooklyn Public Library in order to hopefully help with their budgetary shortfall.)

- Further on the wedding front: I realized that I'm nervous about going wedding dress shopping. I'm nervous because of how you have to shop for one. See, most (if not all) of my shopping is done in stores where very few salespeople lurk. I prefer to be left to my own devices to browse, examine, try on and what have you. 99% of the time I don't need help, other than to accept a friendly offer to start a dressing room for me or to ring up my purchases (or maybe zip/unzip the occasional zipper). But, a wedding dress must be bought in a really old-fashioned, particular way that involves making an appointment, going to a showroom, having an appointed salesperson select things for you and be up your nose the entire time. I hate this style of shopping, mostly because I feel insanely pressured by it. It's not just me obtaining items I need or want. It's about me worrying about this person in front of me, and how their livelihood depends on a sale, and how if I spend a few hours looking and don't see anything I want, I will have deprived them of a customer who might have bought something and/or the all-important commission/mortgage payment/rent/etc. And, I'm sure this person, smelling blood in the water, will push this to make a sale, as is their way (the scorpion always bites the turtle, after all). I was a little more worried about it before than I am now, though. I talked to my mom about it. She'd originally said that while she'd love to go dress shopping with me, but I shouldn't worry if I just wanted to go myself or with friends, because she wouldn't be hurt and insulted and it's all about what works best for me and all that. Now, that was never an issue, I love shopping with my mom and I always have fun doing so (mom and I have had a blast grocery shopping together, for crying out loud.). But after telling her this, she said I shouldn't worry about ANYONE pressuring me into buying anything, because that shit wouldn't fly on her watch. (also, [livejournal.com profile] quasisonic wouldn't let that go down on her watch either, to be fair).

(and yes. I also know that I don't HAVE to buy dresses this way, I could just order them off the internet. But, I don't know exactly what dress I want, and I want to be able to try a bunch on, and it's a much bigger pain in the ass to ship wedding dresses back and forth from China than it is to suck it up and bring a protective entourage into a bridal boutique with me.)

- Speaking of buying things off the internet, I need sandals like woah. I've not had much luck this season. Not much is appealing to me. Best keep looking, I guess.
offbalance: (mm talk to humans)
Okay, I realize that not every bride sees things in the exact same way. And I also know that every bride does not have the same budget.

However: if you're paying as much as a car for a few yards of fabric that you're only going to wear once, I think you need your head examined.

If you're only wearing that excruciatingly expensive dress for the ceremony, and then changing into another expensive dress for the reception? You should be placed on an involuntary psychiatric hold.

I know that I'm only planning to get married once. I know that I want to have a special dress to wear. I know that I want to look beautiful.

But for flamingo's sake, I can't understand paying $15,000 (or more!!) for a dress. A.dress. That will be worn ONCE.

See, I'm a big believer of a cost-per-wear factor. And a wedding dress does not have one. You wear it once.

I don't want to be a big poofy princess who can't use the bathroom without help (that's empowering) and a chapel train I'll be tripping over all night. More than that, I don't want to be one of those airheads on those "ZOMG DRESS" shows (like I may or may not have watched a small marathon of yesterday...shush) that try to rationalize spending all that money on an outfit.
I just don't even know.

I mean, I know that it said in teh media and on teh intertubes that weddings were getting overly extravagant. But I never really grokked quite how extravagant they were getting until I started trying to plan one. A photographer told me that her packages started at $5,000. STARTED. But I can't blame a contractor for charging what some nut is willing to pay (I feel the same way about professional sports.) It's the rationalizations that kill me. Especially the wedding-related ones.

"I mean, I know it's a lot...but I just fell in looooooove with it!!"
(it's mommy/daddy buy meeee thaaaaat all grown up. Or, mostly grown up. I usually refer to the women on these shows as Veruca.).

And this is speaking as someone who was obsessed with weddings growing up. I had dozens of Barbie wedding dresses. I had Bride paper dolls, craft sets, dress-up sets. If anyone on tv was getting married, the outside world ground to a halt. I still have a terrible, horribly guilty love of terrible wedding programming on certain cable channels that shall remain nameless. But when it comes down to my own wedding? DO NOT WANT. I like to think that playing with all this stuff as a wee girl helped me grind it out of my system. That, and the huge letdown that was prom. It was SO built up in everything that surrounded high school, but in the end, it was not as advertised. You get all dressed up, you ride in a limo, everyone you care about screams at each other, you eat terrible food and listen to bad music, someone gets drunk and turns into a douche, someone gets drunk and barfs, and then you go home. My mom said that my prom reminded her of two of the wedding parties she'd been part of, and that definitely planted some kind of seed.

Some of the saner wedding blogs I read talk about the One Perfect Day syndrome, which I totally see all the time. That everything has to be perfect, be a "fairy tale" OR THE ENTIRE REST OF YOUR LIFE IS RUINED. RUINED, I'M TELLING YOU!! If you don't get that $6,000 cake and $20,000 dress and the even more expensive caterer who made cupcakes in the shape of Tiffany Boxes, it's ALL OVER. Who cares about your kids going to college? IT'S ALL ABOUT YOUR DAY.

Meanwhile, I feel like the kid who stands up and points out that the emperor isn't wearing a thing. Because at the beginning and end of the day, it's a fucking party. That's all. A. Party. And I've been throwing myself parties for years. And will continue to do so after I am legally wed. Parties of varying degrees of fanciness and import, because I decided long ago never to walk in anyone's shadow that throwing yourself a party is necessary. Birthdays are to be celebrated, damn it, as are national holidays you love, AND special life events (like gradumacation, which I'll be having a shindig to celebrate over the summer, I think). I don't get why the one day has to be the be all and end all. My parents' wedding had good parts (they got married! yay!) and some crappy parts (family drama), but in the end, they got married and stayed that way. Plus, my mom always loves to talk about the one cousin who had a HUGE wedding at 18...and was divorced not too long after. She always told me that it wasn't about the outfit or the cake or any of the trappings - it was about the dude standing up next to you.

SO, let's say I have this graduation party. What the hell, I earned it. If I told you all that I decided that I absolutely, positively HAD to have a $10,000 designer outfit to wear to this party, because it was my ONE SPECIAL DAY and it made me feel like a GRADUATE when I looked in the mirror (and I even teared up in the store when I saw myself in it) you'd think I'd taken complete leave of my senses. Frankly, so would I. Because it's just a party. One day out of many days, and not some kind of harbinger for the rest of your life.
offbalance: (mm talk to humans)
Okay, I realize that not every bride sees things in the exact same way. And I also know that every bride does not have the same budget.

However: if you're paying as much as a car for a few yards of fabric that you're only going to wear once, I think you need your head examined.

If you're only wearing that excruciatingly expensive dress for the ceremony, and then changing into another expensive dress for the reception? You should be placed on an involuntary psychiatric hold.

I know that I'm only planning to get married once. I know that I want to have a special dress to wear. I know that I want to look beautiful.

But for flamingo's sake, I can't understand paying $15,000 (or more!!) for a dress. A.dress. That will be worn ONCE.

See, I'm a big believer of a cost-per-wear factor. And a wedding dress does not have one. You wear it once.

I don't want to be a big poofy princess who can't use the bathroom without help (that's empowering) and a chapel train I'll be tripping over all night. More than that, I don't want to be one of those airheads on those "ZOMG DRESS" shows (like I may or may not have watched a small marathon of yesterday...shush) that try to rationalize spending all that money on an outfit.
I just don't even know.

I mean, I know that it said in teh media and on teh intertubes that weddings were getting overly extravagant. But I never really grokked quite how extravagant they were getting until I started trying to plan one. A photographer told me that her packages started at $5,000. STARTED. But I can't blame a contractor for charging what some nut is willing to pay (I feel the same way about professional sports.) It's the rationalizations that kill me. Especially the wedding-related ones.

"I mean, I know it's a lot...but I just fell in looooooove with it!!"
(it's mommy/daddy buy meeee thaaaaat all grown up. Or, mostly grown up. I usually refer to the women on these shows as Veruca.).

And this is speaking as someone who was obsessed with weddings growing up. I had dozens of Barbie wedding dresses. I had Bride paper dolls, craft sets, dress-up sets. If anyone on tv was getting married, the outside world ground to a halt. I still have a terrible, horribly guilty love of terrible wedding programming on certain cable channels that shall remain nameless. But when it comes down to my own wedding? DO NOT WANT. I like to think that playing with all this stuff as a wee girl helped me grind it out of my system. That, and the huge letdown that was prom. It was SO built up in everything that surrounded high school, but in the end, it was not as advertised. You get all dressed up, you ride in a limo, everyone you care about screams at each other, you eat terrible food and listen to bad music, someone gets drunk and turns into a douche, someone gets drunk and barfs, and then you go home. My mom said that my prom reminded her of two of the wedding parties she'd been part of, and that definitely planted some kind of seed.

Some of the saner wedding blogs I read talk about the One Perfect Day syndrome, which I totally see all the time. That everything has to be perfect, be a "fairy tale" OR THE ENTIRE REST OF YOUR LIFE IS RUINED. RUINED, I'M TELLING YOU!! If you don't get that $6,000 cake and $20,000 dress and the even more expensive caterer who made cupcakes in the shape of Tiffany Boxes, it's ALL OVER. Who cares about your kids going to college? IT'S ALL ABOUT YOUR DAY.

Meanwhile, I feel like the kid who stands up and points out that the emperor isn't wearing a thing. Because at the beginning and end of the day, it's a fucking party. That's all. A. Party. And I've been throwing myself parties for years. And will continue to do so after I am legally wed. Parties of varying degrees of fanciness and import, because I decided long ago never to walk in anyone's shadow that throwing yourself a party is necessary. Birthdays are to be celebrated, damn it, as are national holidays you love, AND special life events (like gradumacation, which I'll be having a shindig to celebrate over the summer, I think). I don't get why the one day has to be the be all and end all. My parents' wedding had good parts (they got married! yay!) and some crappy parts (family drama), but in the end, they got married and stayed that way. Plus, my mom always loves to talk about the one cousin who had a HUGE wedding at 18...and was divorced not too long after. She always told me that it wasn't about the outfit or the cake or any of the trappings - it was about the dude standing up next to you.

SO, let's say I have this graduation party. What the hell, I earned it. If I told you all that I decided that I absolutely, positively HAD to have a $10,000 designer outfit to wear to this party, because it was my ONE SPECIAL DAY and it made me feel like a GRADUATE when I looked in the mirror (and I even teared up in the store when I saw myself in it) you'd think I'd taken complete leave of my senses. Frankly, so would I. Because it's just a party. One day out of many days, and not some kind of harbinger for the rest of your life.
offbalance: (newsteam by uptown girl gfx)
I enjoyed the list format so much last time, even though I worried certain stories would be buried within it. However, thanks to the cool people on my f-list, this was not so.


  • I had a wonderful Easter with [livejournal.com profile] j_bkl's family. Unfortunately, after a lovely afternoon, my stomach decided to rebel and I've been violently ill since about 8:30 last night. No idea what caused it (a bug, an allergic reaction, Zachariah the Evil Angel), but it laid me out so hard that when I woke up to attempt to go to work this morning, my entire body said no. I figure that if exhaustion, dehydration, vertigo, and all sorts of TMI ick I don't want to get into here are enough to keep the average starlet home from a premiere, they wouldn't mind me taking a day from the office. I'm 75% better, should be shipshape by morning.


  • We also got to hang out with my folks on Saturday (which was rad as always), and replace the shopping cart I killed back in November? December? So we have a mega-cart again. This is happy-making.


  • I am continually staggered, amazed, and disgusted by rampant consumerism encouraged by the wedding industry. No, really. It's disgusting. And, so much of it is swathed in this beautiful cloud of guilt that if you don't buy [thing] or [service] OMG UR WEDDING IS GOING TO BE A DISASTER I'M WARNING YOU IT'S JUST $900 FOR CHRIST SAKE ISN'T THE HAPPIEST DAY EVAR OF UR LIFE WORTH IT!! ISN'T IT? Blah. Thank goodness for Offbeat Bride and A Practical Wedding, as I'm sure these wonderful sites will keep me sane over the months leading up to the Marriaging. But seriously? $35 for a Pantone Guide to make sure everything is perfectly coordinated? $120 to have access to Evite on Steroids. It never ceases to amaze. (Mom thinks I need a break from this stuff. Maybe she's right?)


  • I am now fully up-to-date on Supernatural(FLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIILLL), Ugly Betty (OY.), Life Unexpected (My crack!) and The Vampire Diaries (HOMG). And, In Plain Sight is also back, and watched (Mary, I missed you!!). TV is so good right now it's almost not even worth it to pay $13 to go see a movie.


  • I just got this out of the library, and I'm looking forward to reading it. I'm a fan of Not Eating Out in New York, though I enjoy her recipes more than her ranting. Still, I've heard good things about the book, and I've loved the hell out of all of the other food-related memoirs I've read so far. Specifically A Homemade Life by Molly Wizenberg, Cooking for Mr. Latte by Amanda Hesser, and of course, Julie & Julia AND Cleaving by Julie Powell. (Oh, the screenplay I could write for Cleaving.)


  • As previously mentioned on Facebook, this is some bullshit right here. I mean, what next? Are they going to add mortgage backed securities to Monopoly? Scrabble has been just fine for the last 62 years, thank you very much. It does not need updating. Stop it.


  • Every day around the same time, I can hear someone playing the trumpet outside of my kitchen window. This person is a very good trumpet player, and I enjoy listening to his/her sessions. However, I am so frigging curious about who this might be, I'm tempted to post it as a missed connection or something. In the meantime, J and I have dubbed them "Trumpet Man" and will continue to enjoy the music so long as the windows remain open.


  • 5 weeks remain in school. Just. Five. Somehow, I will get through this. I hope.


offbalance: (newsteam by uptown girl gfx)
I enjoyed the list format so much last time, even though I worried certain stories would be buried within it. However, thanks to the cool people on my f-list, this was not so.


  • I had a wonderful Easter with [livejournal.com profile] j_bkl's family. Unfortunately, after a lovely afternoon, my stomach decided to rebel and I've been violently ill since about 8:30 last night. No idea what caused it (a bug, an allergic reaction, Zachariah the Evil Angel), but it laid me out so hard that when I woke up to attempt to go to work this morning, my entire body said no. I figure that if exhaustion, dehydration, vertigo, and all sorts of TMI ick I don't want to get into here are enough to keep the average starlet home from a premiere, they wouldn't mind me taking a day from the office. I'm 75% better, should be shipshape by morning.


  • We also got to hang out with my folks on Saturday (which was rad as always), and replace the shopping cart I killed back in November? December? So we have a mega-cart again. This is happy-making.


  • I am continually staggered, amazed, and disgusted by rampant consumerism encouraged by the wedding industry. No, really. It's disgusting. And, so much of it is swathed in this beautiful cloud of guilt that if you don't buy [thing] or [service] OMG UR WEDDING IS GOING TO BE A DISASTER I'M WARNING YOU IT'S JUST $900 FOR CHRIST SAKE ISN'T THE HAPPIEST DAY EVAR OF UR LIFE WORTH IT!! ISN'T IT? Blah. Thank goodness for Offbeat Bride and A Practical Wedding, as I'm sure these wonderful sites will keep me sane over the months leading up to the Marriaging. But seriously? $35 for a Pantone Guide to make sure everything is perfectly coordinated? $120 to have access to Evite on Steroids. It never ceases to amaze. (Mom thinks I need a break from this stuff. Maybe she's right?)


  • I am now fully up-to-date on Supernatural(FLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIILLL), Ugly Betty (OY.), Life Unexpected (My crack!) and The Vampire Diaries (HOMG). And, In Plain Sight is also back, and watched (Mary, I missed you!!). TV is so good right now it's almost not even worth it to pay $13 to go see a movie.


  • I just got this out of the library, and I'm looking forward to reading it. I'm a fan of Not Eating Out in New York, though I enjoy her recipes more than her ranting. Still, I've heard good things about the book, and I've loved the hell out of all of the other food-related memoirs I've read so far. Specifically A Homemade Life by Molly Wizenberg, Cooking for Mr. Latte by Amanda Hesser, and of course, Julie & Julia AND Cleaving by Julie Powell. (Oh, the screenplay I could write for Cleaving.)


  • As previously mentioned on Facebook, this is some bullshit right here. I mean, what next? Are they going to add mortgage backed securities to Monopoly? Scrabble has been just fine for the last 62 years, thank you very much. It does not need updating. Stop it.


  • Every day around the same time, I can hear someone playing the trumpet outside of my kitchen window. This person is a very good trumpet player, and I enjoy listening to his/her sessions. However, I am so frigging curious about who this might be, I'm tempted to post it as a missed connection or something. In the meantime, J and I have dubbed them "Trumpet Man" and will continue to enjoy the music so long as the windows remain open.


  • 5 weeks remain in school. Just. Five. Somehow, I will get through this. I hope.


What's New?

Apr. 1st, 2010 11:28 am
offbalance: (mm how do you like me now)
Okay, is too much, lemme summup:



  • School continues to kick my ass in terms of workload and time, but I'm doing okay otherwise. I was super worried about this Summons and Complaint (for the uninitiated, the summons is a notice that says "O HAY UR BEIN SUED," the complaint is "AND HERE'S WHY!") I wasn't so worried about the summons (as it's sort of a form you fill out), but I was a tad concerned about the complaint. Well, I was, and then I got an A. Granted, I have miles to go before I can sleep in terms of this Research, Writing & Litigation class, but that A was a nice confidence boost. I hope I do as well on my document demands and evidence log. I also received an A in my technology and the law class, which really made me happy, as I worked really hard on that final. Remember the super-old professor who forgot what he was talking about mid-sentence and kept getting facts wrong? I managed a B. Huzzah!


  • Work is work. *sigh*


  • Thanks to the wonders of modern medicine, I'm healthy again. \o/ Thank jeebus. I had no idea how crappy I'd felt for so long until I, you know, stopped feeling crappy.


  • I have many, many thoughts on this. It's hard for me to put them into words, because the rage makes forming sentences hard. When you're a survivor of this kind of bullying, the never-ending, day-in, day-out battery (be it physical and/or emotional), it's hard to sit and watch things like this happen again and again. I'm pleased that these miserable little wates of organs are being prosecuted (although considering what I believe these little sociopathic bastards deserve, being put on trial is the equivalent to a hug and a cookie), but I'm heartbroken that this girl felt she had to take her own life to escape it. I'm angry not one teacher stepped in and tried to do anything. I'm angry the authorities were not called. I can only hope that it's bringing more attention to the fact that kids are not "just kids," this stuff needs to be clamped down on not only early but ruthlessly, and attention needs to be paid. That's all I've got before my hands usually start balling up into fists.


  • Wedding planning has started in tiny bits, despite my insistence that it wouldn't even be touched until May. I've emailed a couple of caterers, but it honestly feels like I'm back to internet dating. I see someone's page, I like them, I write to them. They write back, ask for more information, which I give. And then, nothing. (Although one said he really wanted to talk over the phone instead). I still have 2 or 3 more I hope to write to, but still, I keep excitedly opening up my wedding-crap email address and am disappointed to find nothing from caterer #1, the one I really, really liked. I'm also consistently annoyed at how much caterers hem and haw over price quotes. Just give me a damn ballpark, for crying out loud. More on this story as it develops.


  • In other wedding-related news, I've already changed my mind 6 times on what colors I'll be using (and torturing [livejournal.com profile] quasisonic, [livejournal.com profile] blergeatkitty and my mom with all of my back-and-forth). And, photographers are crazy expensive. But I'm hopeful I can still find a good one that I like. It's not something I feel like I can go without on the day. There are many things I could go without (DJ, flowers, etc.) but I want good pictures of me, at least once in my life. I don't think that's so much to ask on an important day such as this one.


  • I got to see [livejournal.com profile] quantumchick and her hubby last week, and it was spectacular. She looks amazing, and I'm so happy and excited for her about all of the cool stuff she (and they) have in store. ::sends hugs::


  • [livejournal.com profile] j_bkl and I also got to see The Runaways two weeks ago, and I really liked it. It was atmospheric, and didn't spend ages explaining everything. And, I was impressed by the acting. Aparently Kristen Stewart isn't bad if there's not some sparkly moper in her line of sight. Dakota Fanning was also terrific - but she was always a good actress, so that was less of a surprise. It's worth seeing. Next up is hopefully Hot Tub Time Machine or Leaves of Grass, both of which I very much want to see.

  • For years, [livejournal.com profile] spookshowbaby has called Timothy Olyphant Timothy Oly-fantastic. I mean, of course the guy was rad. His character in Hit Man had way more depth, humor, and inner life than the script called for, and that's all acting. Plus he deserves kudos for creating a villian in Die Hard Iv that I could honestly believe knew how to use a computer (and possibly hack NORAD on a laptop just to prove a point, but that's neither here nor there.) Then, I finally got around to watching the pilot for Justified, which I had downloaded when it was free on itunes. Oh. My. God. Hold the boat, because I'm boarding it in a big way. I knew the guy is a great actor - the best new one I've seen in a long time - but he's also blisteringly hot, apparently. I did not know this previously, but HELLO NURSE. It helps, of course, that the show is well written, smart, dark, funny, and, as surprised as I am to say so - beautifully shot. It's also subtle, which is a welcome change (as much as I enjoy Human Target, Guerro is the only semi-subtle thing on that shovel-to-the-face of a show.) The combination of a really well-written character and Olyphant's ability to raise an eyebrow and convey the entire scope of his meaning? Yeah. I'll be tuning in. Score one for FX.


  • I'd like a nap. I'm so tired. We had friends over for dinner last night and while it was infinite amounts of awesome, I am TIRED. Oh, and more in love with my crock pot than evar.




That's about it.

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