offbalance | Piss & vinegar.

Current Mood: angry

Entry tags:

politics

Piss & vinegar.

Okay, here's the thing:

I am hetero. It happens. I was born this way, yadda yadda.

However, I am fortunate enough to have wonderful, amazing people in my life that fall on every different point of the Kinsey scale. What are those points? Up to them. All I care is that they're good people, honest people, loyal people, kind people. Who they date is only relevant to me if I'm making some kind of attempt at matchmaking, because I have this cockeyed optimistic belief that everyone deserves a chance with love and happiness with the right person, whomever they may be. I was lucky in that regard, and I want that luck to spread around.

What's more, my paralegal learnings thus far have taught me of the huge numbers of legal benefits and rights to being legally married, both on the state and federal level. It's also taught me that the law is about fairness, and about providing the best protections and equal rights among all its citizens, and that the law is in a constant state of flux to best reflect how to make things as fair and equal as possible, at least on the surface. All of the things I learned in my Matrimonial Law, Tax Law, and even Bankruptcy Law classes have cemented my belief that ALL PEOPLE should have the right to marry. People who have a committed life together and a shared household should be allowed to file a joint tax return, to have equally vested shares in a bankruptcy proceeding, and receive all spousal benefits. If you share bed, board, bank accounts, and household expenses, your gender shouldn't determine your ability to marry. I can marry, because of a preference set by biology, and they can't for the same reason. This doesn't add up.

So it's absolutely infuriating, flabbergasting, and depressing to me that there are so many people in this country are so hell bent in denying rights to others. In creating this big, scary, OTHER that they have to hate, oppress, fight and eliminate to protect their precious FAMILY VALUES and THINK OF THE CHILDREN. I'm pretty sure the reason these bigots get so freaked about the kids is because children are so accepting, as they are still learning about the world, and if they learn something as a fact, they'll just accept it and move on, and it'll be all okay. And it's terrifying to them - so they're redoubling their efforts to create as many bigots as possible, to keep the bigot production line rolling, because otherwise, someday the ENTIRE WORLD might not only allow, but celebrate non-heterosexual unions. CAN YOU IMAGINE. And no one has been able to give me a compelling reason as to why this is a BAD THING that isn't some bizarre cha-cha involving misquoted Bible verses, personal squick, and a lot of what amounts to I DON'T WAAAANAAAAA IT'S NOT FAIR IT'S MY TREEHOUSE THEY CAN'T HAVE IT NO NO NO NO MINE MINE MINE NOOOOT FAAAAIIIIIR.

And I can't point fingers at a particular group. They're neatly spread all over, into everything.

So, what my rant comes down to is this: if you don't support full and equal rights and protection under law of all GLBTQ people?

GET OFF MY LAWN.

My lawn is my journal. If you don't think people who aren't living a tidy little life that you approve of in your narrow little worldview deserve ALL of the rights, privledges and protections that being an American Citizen should have, get lost. Unfriend me. We're done here.

And before you ask:

They should choose to be "normal" if they want all these rights.
1. It's not a choice.
2. Who are you to say what's normal?

I have no problem with gay people, but do they have to get married?
YES. Yes they do. They have to for the same reasons you wanted to.

Does it have to be marriage marriage ?

YES.

Does it have to be now?

Why not? They've only been waiting for what? Thousands of years? What's a few more? A LOT, ACTUALLY.

Can't you just respect my beliefs?
Because you're providing such a shining example of live and let live? I'm supposed to respect your right to deny the rights of others? That sentence should give you a headache, too.

Feel free to link/post/share/or gripe at me, I'm sure I've glossed over a few things here or there. But what I'm trying to do is stand up for people I love dearly and who I feel are being unfairly segregated from rights I enjoy, for really stupid, arbitrary, outdated reasons. I've marched for this, I've signed petitions, and tried my best to put myself out there as a supporter. This is just one more thing, however tiny.

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♥

Well said.

*beams with sibling pride*

Do you mind if I link to this?

You always make me proud of you and that post does it again. Hooray for you and all you wonderful friends! Love, Mom

Thank you!

I'd be honored if you did!! :)

Thanks, Mom! :)

Here via Twitter, thanks to

redstapler, just to say...

*standing ovation*

Thank you!!

*blushes*

well said! someday there will be equality for all - we just gotta keep working! thanks for all you do to help spread the word about LOVE!

Also here via Twitter. I'm RTing this post because it sums up how I feel, too.

I'm a happily married hetero, and my LGBTQ friends and family aren't being protected. It infuriates me.

Another here via Twitter

Thank you for putting into words much better than I could. Mostly because I'd just be typing a stream of profanity!!!

Someday, hopefully someday soon!

Thank you! I'm really pleased that so many people have responded so positively.

It infuriates me too. And it makes me feel powerless and scared as well.

Welcome!

Thanks. This has been brewing for awhile. After Prop 8 I was pretty much in the same boat re: the profanity. But the fact that this happened again, I just...*hands* I had no words, but then I had a lot of them.

Edited 2009-11-04 19:57 (UTC)

You are THE AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you!!

I am very happy and proud that you've taken such a stance! It says volumes about how amazing you are!

Well. Where to begin. I'm queer. Queer queer queer. And I'm against gay marriage. So. You want me gone. Got it.

Of course, I'm against gay marriage because I believe it's none of the government's fucking business to recognize marriage on other than a contract basis. So if a group of 14 first cousins, both male and female, want to enter into a 5 year marriage agreement, then mazel tov! Of course, I'm only getting one present not 14. I have some standards. I'm not kidding either, I take the hard core libertarian position on this. I want the government completely out of the marriage business. Is that ever going to happen? Nope. And I know that.

As a person of queerness, I do not give a shit about this issue. I do not need societal approval of my life and my relationships. If I were ever to enter into a long-term relationship with a woman, then I would make sure that we have the relevant legal arrangements that would make us far more bound than marriage ever would. That's my opinion. That's my position. And if you think that means I'm intolerant, well, there's nothing I can say to that.

Look, it's your journal, your life, you can do what you want. I completely and utterly and fully support you in that. But take a breath, step back and think, really really think, if you want everyone who disagrees with you to be out of this portion of your life.

Trust me, I probably have the most experience of anyone on your flist of having a flist filled with politics that make you want to punch people in the face. If you want to make a completely safe little place for yourself, go for it! Yaaaay you. I just think you'll be bored.

And don't say you're against "government sanctioned marriage as a whole." We all know hetero marriage isn't going away.

Very nice. Very well said.

I do believe that the government needs to step away from "marriage" - the government should regulate civil unions that entail various legal consequences and privileges, because that's government's job. Marriage, as a religious institution, should be left to religious organizations.

Sadly, the two concepts - legal union and religious union - are so entwined at this point that it's impossible to unpack them.

Thus: marriage for everyone.

You're entitled to your opinion.

However, I'm NOT just talking about marriage. I'm a big believer in it, personally, and I share the opinion of the two commenters below in that marriage isn't going away, and as much as I'd like the government out of that particular sandbox, it's not going to happen anytime soon. I'm going to momentarily table all the benefits I mentioned that are given to the legally wed.

What I was also getting at? Things like Don't Ask, Don't Tell. That's a big one. If someone is willing to give the ultimate sacrifice for their country, details such as sexuality should be irrelevant. Are you okay with discriminating against people who want to serve their country based on their sexual preference? I'm not.

States that want to stop same-sex couples (or in some cases, single parents) from adopting. That's not cool either.

I've tried being tolerant and silent, but I'm honestly tired of it. I really am. People I love are being hurt by this. And I really don't feel right sitting back and saying, "Okay fine, you can believe that." about this anymore. I have tried for years and years and years to see the other point of view. I've bit my tongue bloody about reproductive choice, even though that may be the only issue I am more strident about than any other. But I'm losing patience. I feel like no one wants to meet this side halfway. That bothers me. And I can't always turn the other cheek - I'm not wired that way.

I'd honestly be sorry to see you go, even though I can't remember a time when we've seen eye-to-eye politically. But I've never jumped down your throat about any of your ideals, so kindly do me the same courtesy.

This more than marriage, and you know it.

I never did, not at any point. I'm not against marriage at all.

I agree with all of this.

::hugs:: Thank you!! Your support means the world to me, it really does.

This more than marriage, and you know it.

No, your post and your comments were directed at the marriage issue. If you intended to encompass DADT, gay adoption and the like, that was not entirely clear.

I have no intention of defriending you. You are an interesting, intelligent, articulate person. Please note that you're the one who wanted people off your lawn. I was simply pointing out the implications of your statement.

I think don't ask don't tell is utterly idiotic and I cheerfully support its repeal. As an adopted child, you can imagine that I am rather vigorously pro-adoption. In my fantasy world all there would be is civil unions. That's actually what I am working towards.

I am, however, utterly sick and tired of having support of gay marriage being thrown in my face as some sort of litmus test of my queerness. I apologize for taking my frustration at this out on you and I am not including you in that camp, at least not intentionally. However, I am utterly certain that you are intelligent and self-aware enough to realize that not everyone who is not supportive of gay marriage is a bigot. Do you have any concept of what it's like to be told that you hate yourself or that you're lying about your sexuality because someone thinks you should have a different political stance? For pity's sake, if you listen to the supposed "leaders" of the gay community, I quite literally do not exist. Hell, yes, I take that personally.

I should note that it's far more accurate to state that I do not care about gay marriage than to say that I'm against it. Unfortunately, the sides are being drawn so that those who are in my position are being thrown in with actual bigots. And I am utterly freaking sick of that, especially from those from whom I will demand better. You're better than that. You know you are. I know you are. I also know how easy it is to forget how things will be taken when you're filled with indignation.

I feel like no one wants to meet this side halfway. That bothers me. And I can't always turn the other cheek - I'm not wired that way.

Of course you can't turn the other cheek, you wouldn't be who you are if you did. But, again, when you speak of meeting halfway, well, that's my entire point. Do not heave everyone who isn't out there with waving a flag in with the idiots. Some of us aren't. All I'm asking is for some realization that when you blow up and rail as you did, you're catching me and others in the crossfire. Stop. Think. Don't make kneejerk assumptions about someone else because you just presume ill will.

I wish I could say I was telling you this out of some purely intellectual comprehension but not so much. Take it from someone who has humiliated herself and caused insult and harm unintentionally (today in point of fact). I understand being passionate about politics. I really do. Just don't let that become some be all and end all that winds up eliminating people from your life. Besides, if you surround yourself with people who only agree, how will you persuade anyone else?

Speaking as someone who's been married three times, I think if homosexuals want to put themselves through that, they should be more than welcome to.

Seriously, though...

My standard argument-stopper still works: if you don't think homosexuals should be allowed to marry, tell me why -- without using any form of religious dogma as a reason.

Thank you!!

Seriously!! I always joke is that they should have the right to be as miserable as anyone else.

The only argument that comes close that I've heard becomes an argument about how the government should get out of the marriage business entirely, but that's about as likely to happen as the repeal of income taxes, so I'm not sure how far that carries.

Edited 2009-11-05 14:39 (UTC)

That idea has merit...everyone says that the elephant is an example of a horse designed by committee, and the present state of the institution of marriage is no different.

Maybe we should stop asking for gays to be allowed to marry, and instead lobby for ALL marriages to be changed to Federal Civil Unions.

*sings* "You love me, and I love you, so won't you be my FCU?"

Then where are all of you, if you're so numerous, in this argument? Why aren't you all out there, if you keep insisting you're getting caught in the crossfire, why is no one starting a stronger movement to have everything changed to an FCU? That's been nowhere. Where's the persuasion for that option? Of its value? That's all been relatively quiet during this whole scrum. I've seen no opponents for gay marriage before now that weren't latter-day Anita Bryants. Why isn't there a bigger movement being generated, if you think there are so many for FCUs?

I hold no litmus test for queerness, as I said before, people are all over the Kinsey scale in my opinion. And I'm sorry you've been getting static over this, but I think it goes to the heart of how fraught this issue is, and how important it is to others, and I think that can't be ignored. I also think it's because there are many who feel as slighted and hurt as you do by the politics of the side they're railing against. This is a very emotional issue, and unfortunately, it can't be anything but.

I have friends who truly want to marry their partners, either soon or someday. And they can't. And I think that's horrible and unfair, and it breaks my heart. And heartbreak makes the knees jerk, as you know.

My friend

laugingirl summed it up perfectly in my opinion:

"I'm a little torn on the whole issue of marriage vs. civil unions. I realize that the whole thing would be a lot more "palatable" to a lot of people if Marriage as a religious construct were taken out of it... and honestly, my ideal situation would be for civil unions to be controlled by the government and to afford governmental benefits and to be available to both heterosexual and homosexual couples; and for marriage to be left up to the priests and rabbis and other religious leaders and for its benefits to be only religious ones. If your religion doesn't accept you, you have the choice to put up with it or find another religion... it's a lot harder to just up and find another country.

But, let's be real.. that's not going to happen. Which means that civil unions are not good enough... at least not until there is a check box on government forms for "partnered" right next to "single" and "married" and checking that box affords people the EXACT same rights as checking the box next to marriage.

Because no person should be unable to visit their loved one in the hospital because they can't be declared their legal family.

Because no parent should have to worry about losing their child because they can't be declared their legal guardian."

I'll try to keep in mind that there is a small group out there that wants a third option. But your side should give some serious thought to ramping up their fight.

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