Sense memories.

[offbalance]

I've been reading The Bell Jar this week, for the first time. I'm very nearly done, and if I really give it 100%, I'll be done with it by the end of today. Not sure if that'll happen, but I want to be done by the time I see Carly tomorrow. She's read it a couple of times, and I love it when I can discuss books with her. (It's also a freebie I got at work, a very heavy large print edition that I'd be very happy to be done carrying around).


I have to admit that I liked the story more when the action was still in New York (quel suprise), but I find myself increasingly baffled by the main character. I understand that she's mentally ill, and I understand her feelings of depression and lonliness to a point, but some of the odder paranoias just flabbergast me. And I found the whole section on suicide attempts to be somewhat draggy. She's in the hospital now, just broke a mirror and kicked a server in the cafeteria for almost no reason. I'm just not following her, and I don't feel as connected to her as I expected to (same problem as when I read Catcher in the Rye), but I do love Plath's prose style.


I've also been on a major Tori kick lately. Tori, and Ben Folds and Joe Jackson. Now, resident Joe Jackson expert quodlibetic may either agree or come after me with an axe for this, but I've been amazed after re-listening to Night and Day and then Whatever and Ever, Amen and Rockin' the Suburbs again how similar Ben and Joe are stylistically - they have similar senses of humor and can write equally strong melodies. Plus, sometimes I think their voices sound somewhat alike at times. I'd LOVE to hear them duet on something. Like "Real Men," or "Breaking Us in Two" or something.

But yeah, Tori Tori Tori. I was listening to Little Earthquakes on my way to meet mom & quasisonic last night and it felt fresh. Not new, since I still know every word of every song (I think), but it felt exciting to listen to again, which is nice. I always loved that album.

Most disturbingly, I keep having flashes of odd moments of Albany. Like walking up that stretch of gravel parking lot near the humanities building facing the campus center, in early spring, just after the rain. I smelled that place the other day somehow, and when I closed my eyes I could picture it, plain as day. Also the bus stop at the new library and Collins Circle, same time of year, on a foggy day with damp air and a light grey sky, the air permeated with a wet grass smell.

Two days ago right before I went to sleep I sat on my bed and had a very potent memory of it being finals week or reading day, and being at Kurver Kreme on Central avenue, and how the trees looked and the air smelled. How am I remembering how the air smelled? It's so strange. But it's not disturbing, it's almost peaceful.

I wish I could figure out what my brain is trying to tell me, if anything.

Comments

[thatgirlinred.livejournal.com]

Ah...funny just yesterday I was thinking -- or was it the other day? -- of how it feels to be going to class again, as opposed to going to work. I kind of miss it. And last night I was baking brownies late at night and I thought of how college was pretty much 24/7 staying up... *siiigh*

You're making me miss it!!! =P

[offbalance.livejournal.com]

Am I? I can't believe I've found myself nostalgic for ALBANY, especially Albany weather. We had about what, maybe 10 nice days the ENTIRE year?

And how or why do I miss that ugly ass-campus?

Are we going to have to road trip one of these days?

[thatgirlinred.livejournal.com]

lol...maybe. =D

[stacyinthecity.livejournal.com]

yay for Ben Folds! And Joe Jackson! And Tori Amos too! Except I don't know any of her new stuff, just the old stuff.

[offbalance.livejournal.com]

Scarlett's Walk is more than worth checking out. I think it's her best one since Choirgirl Hotel, and that one is my all-time favorite.

[stacyinthecity.livejournal.com]

Wow. All I have is Little Earthquakes, Under the Pink, Boys for Pele, and Songs from the Choir Girl Hotel. How many am I missing? I can't seem to find any complete discographies.

I'll be honest though, when I saw her in concert last summer (Ben Folds opened) I was severely disappointed. Maybe she just doesn't translate well live? Except that Rey saw her live somewhere in NY and I seem to remember he enjoyed it that time. But not this recent time. We all fell asleep!! :-( All the songs sounded the same (even the older ones were rearranged to sound like the rest of the stuff) and it just lulled us. I felt horrible, because I thought of myself as a Tori fan!

[hermionesviolin.livejournal.com]

I read The Bell Jar and Girl, Interrupted i think the summer after my first year in college. I actually kinda liked the latter, but the former left no impression on me whatsoever.

I read The Catcher in the Rye over Winter Break this year and hated it with a violent passion. I keep finding out that my friends really liked it, so i think i need to make a post about it so people can discuss.

[offbalance.livejournal.com]

I didn't like Girl, Interrupted much, either. My general reaction was: "Stop whining, already!"
and "Wow, this and the movie have almost no connection!"

It's funny, because I've read other Salinger works and loved them, but hated hated hated Catcher and that whiny little rich punk Holden. Franny & Zooey and Nine stories were much better, imho - ESPECIALLY Franny & Zooey.

[jackalprey.livejournal.com]

I keep buying copies of Catcher in the Rye, but never actually read it. Its the strangest thing. ;-)

[hermionesviolin.livejournal.com]

I was actually interested in stuff that was happening in Girl, Interrupted. *shrugs* I heard the movie was good but clearly i always insist on reading the book first, and then having read the book i feel like "Why see the movie?"

I hear good things about Franny & Zooey and Nine Stories, so at some point i will read them. But yes, Holden was an obnoxious hypocritical little fuck, so i couldn't stand him. And thus couldn't stand the book, since it was all about him. I already knew i don't do well with narratives where i dislike protagonists, and this was rather the epitome of that.

[traces.livejournal.com]

i read "catcher" in my junior year. i think i liked it b/c it gave me (what i thought was) an insight into "how guys think"

although i still don't think 16 year old guys quite sit there and want to save people from adulthood...i've never met one who was quite "there".

but i *loved* the line where he went, "this is a great fucking sentence" or something like that. i use that on my husband when he tries to have convos w/me while i'm reading...(lucky he loves me, eh?)

[hermionesviolin.livejournal.com]

*shudders* If i thought Holden and his prep school classmates were how guys were... i think i would have gone into a deep depression. Real people make me pessimistic enough about humanity.

[offbalance.livejournal.com]

I read Catcher around the same age, and everyone told me that I should have read it when I was 13. I read it because I was curious about all of the hype, which is trouble I usually find myself in.

what do you mean by "there" ?

[traces.livejournal.com]

>I have to admit that I liked the story more >when the action was still in New York (quel suprise),> but I find myself increasingly baffled by the main character.

do you think she was disappointed by what happened in NY, that it didn't turn out how it was supposed to, that she figured out she had no clue what she wanted to do w/her life? (the obsessing about trees she did while she was on her date). do you think that was the symbolism of her throwing her clothes away?




>I understand that she's mentally ill, and I >understand her feelings of depression and lonliness to a point

do you think it was because she was supposed to be in the writers' program (i.e. having a purpose) and when she didn't get in, it was too overwhelming trying to figure things out for herself?

don't mind me; i've been dying to discuss this book since i read it, and the only other person i know who read it wasn't really a "deep thinker", so these kinda questions just tend to annoy her!!!

[offbalance.livejournal.com]

>do you think she was disappointed by what happened in >NY, that it didn't turn out how it was supposed to, >that she figured out she had no clue what she wanted >to do w/her life? (the obsessing about trees she did >while she was on her date).

I'm not sure. I think that her ongoing disappointments were more a subject to her unrealistic expectations about life, mainly born out of her wanting things to live up to how she created them in her head, and being so close to those creations that she started to hold them out as hopes for reality. The same thing happened with the first therapist she saw. She's looking outside to try and fill her inside, but can't stop judging that what she sees around her long enough to find something that she really fits into (and in that, she and I have something in common). I get how lost she is, but I don't get the suicidal flip, where that all came from.


>do you think that was the symbolism of her throwing >her clothes away?

Possibly. She might have wanted to get the bad experience of NY (since it wasn't exactly what she wanted or imagined in her head) out of her head. I think she's nuts throwing all of those expensive clothes away. It accomplishes nothing.

>do you think it was because she was supposed to be in >the writers' program (i.e. having a purpose) and when >she didn't get in, it was too overwhelming trying to >figure things out for herself?

I don't think it's about finding a purpose so much as finding a way to feel important or superior to those around her. There are lines I could pull out while not at work to show this, but her mocking of the woman with lots of children and the friend who sets her up on a date with Cal and her boyfriend show her that she wants some way that she can show the world how wonderful she is (the fig tree, also). She wants something that will set her apart, but she doesn't have the courage to fight for it.

>don't mind me; i've been dying to discuss this book >since i read it, and the only other person i know who >read it wasn't really a "deep thinker", so these >kinda questions just tend to annoy her!!!

aw. I totally understand that!! Discuss away!

[traces.livejournal.com]

>mainly born out of her wanting things to >live up to how she created them in her head, and being so close to those creations >that she started to hold them out as hopes for reality.

i resemble that remark. waaaaaaaaaaaay too closely!!!


>but can't stop judging that what she sees >around her long enough to find something that she really fits into >(and in that, she and I have something in common).> I get how lost she is, but I don't get the suicidal flip,> where that all came from.

do you think she's judging the fact that *she herself* does not live up to the expectations, therefore causing a huge case of self-loathing?


>I think she's nuts throwing all of those> expensive clothes away. It accomplishes nothing.

exactly. and tell me when you got off the train your mom wouldn't have been like, "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU WEARING AND WHERE THE HELL IS YOUR STUFF?"

[traces.livejournal.com]

undead_authors i think you would like this community very much!!

[offbalance.livejournal.com]

I don't know - I've been reading through it and am not sure if it's my cup of tea. I'm too much of a snob, and I am vehemently against this tack of "no dead white straight men."

Um, hi - some of them actually had interesting shit to say.

Plus, nothing makes me twitch more violently than a literature community in which grammar seems to be nonexistant. Not to mention that I only would read one of the books on the group discussion list, and only then grudgingly.

[traces.livejournal.com]

I am vehemently against this tack of "no dead white straight men."

agreed, *everyone* who has lived on this earth has something worthwhile to say...okay, some more than others, but you get my drift!!!


Plus, nothing makes me twitch more violently than a literature community in which grammar seems to be nonexistant. Not to mention that I only would read one of the books on the group discussion list, and only then grudgingly.

lol...hi, come work here. "the lead" assistant just sent out word that our updates were due on WENSDAY!!! (and if "your having trouble" she'd be more than happy to help") the baby jesus is covering his eyes in fear!! (don't mind me, i've wanted to use that line for way too long now.)

i see what you're saying. i think i like that community b/c they're talking about a lot of contemporary fiction. do you know of any other communities like that?

[pizanite.livejournal.com]

For whatever reason, I always find it easier to read a book in which I feel disconnected from the main character, if the main character is unlikable. It's like watching a bad show, but you know the show is supposed to be bad, so you watch it with the hope you'll be able to pull something worthwhile out of it. I dunno. And I love Plath's writing style, too.

Of course, the fact that Plath committed suicide the month after it was first published puts it into perspective a bit (and right on the mark with her fear of success). Her mother, Aurelia Plath, wrote in a letter seven years after her death: "Practically ever character in The Bell Jar represents someone--often in caricature--whom Sylvia loved; each person had given freely of time, thought, affection, and in one case, financial help during those agonizing six months of breakdown in 1953...as this books stands by itself, it represents the basest ingratitude."

I thought it did that pretty well, considering how unappealing all the characters are, really.

[offbalance.livejournal.com]

I agree with you there, up to a point. Sometimes if I'm too disconnected with the characters I can't find the desire to find out what happends to them in the end, and I just put the book down altogether. In this case, though, I did want to know what would happen. Her descriptions are marvelous. I also have some of her poetry, which I intend to read.

Did you read the book that her mother put together of Plath's letters? I hear it's supposed to be quite illuminating.

I do think there were parts of the book that seemed bratty, self-centered, ungrateful, and above-it-all, and I can understand the frustrations of her loved ones.

[pizanite.livejournal.com]

You know, I had an interesting experience last night that I almost wrote about in my journal (but laziness and a new-to-me episode of Futurama overruled it).

When I left work yesterday, the smell and feel of the air reminded me of the nights I used to wait outside for my friend's dad to pick me up and take me to the high school football games. I remembering thinking it was a lonely time (long story, but probably had to do with parents, moving around, and all that), but for whatever reason it was comforting to think about. Probably because I spent my whole week talking to people (at work, and speech classes) and I just wanted some time alone.

Interesting, though. It really brought me back to that one time period I thought I had forgotten.

[offbalance.livejournal.com]

It's amazing how closely the sense of smell is connected to memory, isn't it?

And I hear you about wanting some time alone. I love being around people, but sometimes it's also nice to just take an hour or two to yourself and decompress - just breathe.

[aprilmourning.livejournal.com]

Albany aside.. I love The Bell Jar.. I would love to discuss the book with you when you're done.. Ill discuss Albany too.. but that's not really as interesting!

[offbalance.livejournal.com]

*giggle*

well, I am done...so discuss away!

(and how are you?)