offbalance | Slayer strength not required.

I don't know why people are so amazed when I can change the big bottle in the water cooler at work. Really, guys. I know I'm 5'4, but I'm of good, hearty peasant stock. My Maternal Grandmother and Paternal Great-Grandmother could totally kick your ass*. Maternal Grandmother carried huge metal bins of coal ash up from her basement to be disposed of several times a week. She was barely 5 feet, but all of my Uncle's friends (who were 6 feet tall or taller) were all scared of her bad side. (And from what I've heard, with good reason. She was a lovely, sweet woman, but you did not cross her.)

My Paternal Great-Grandmother was what you might call a problem-solver. A famous-in-the-family story that best illustrates it is one of my favorites. She was tired of her landlord jerking her around about replacing the cast-iron coal stove in their apartment, and finally got completely fed up. She yanked the stove out of the wall, carried it down several flights of stairs, kicked the landlord's door open, threw the stove at him, then PUNCHED HIM. And you know what she got in return, kids?

A new stove.

You do not fuck with us.

I think I can handle a few gallons of Poland Spring. I promise.

*My paternal grandma could whip the shit out of you verbally, so don't think for a second that she'd be easy to tangle with. The snark is genetic, and goes back generations.

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I don't know why people are so amazed when I can change the big bottle in the water cooler at work.
I run into the same thing. Granted, we have people who are physically unable to change it (due to health issues), but mostly people just say it's too heavy. Our new director asked if the guy who came to replace the water changed it and I was like, 'uh, no, sometimes I've even done it.' He gave me a surprised look.

There are a few other people in my department who can't change it for the same reason - but I'm young, healthy and strong. The ones who really freak out about me lifting the thing tend to be male, but more than just the guys raise and eyebrow at me "lifting that big, heavy thing!"

I seemingly am one of 2 people at my job thatcan change the water cooler bottle. You'd think I was Atlas, or something. :P

Are they going to dehydrate when you're gone?

It's more a matter of aligning it properly than being strong (though that helps!)

I used to leave the empties in the cubes of the people who complained there was no water- until the Poland Spring stud lectured me about doing that, since they re-use the bottles and my campaign was impeding his job function as he had to go hunt down the empties.

It's more a matter of aligning it properly than being strong (though that helps!)

It's true! I put the bottle on the counter where the fax machine is that's right near the water. Said counter is higher than the cooler, so it's just a matter of physics.

That's hilarious about the bottles - but it's one of the reasons I prefer this method - the bottles get re-used and recycled.

I think our ancestors would've gotten along smashingly. Or else had a truly SPECTACULAR row. Whichever.

(I'm beefier now, but when I was really skinny, people were BOGGLED by how strong I am. Uh, it's just a water bottle/30lb sack of apples/couple gallons of milk. Whatever!)

Either way, it would be fun to watch!

(The bottle of water weighs as much as a toddler. Those are harder to pick up, because they squirm.)

Exactly! Water bottles, for the most part, just sit there and let you pick them up. There's no kicking.

Exactly. There's also no whining, screaming, or snot.

And thank god for that.

Wow. You come from awesome stock.

Thanks!

My mom e-mailed me last night:

So getting bored with seeing your LJ not updated, I clicked on the "Sharon is awesome" link. What a great story! What a great family. I love her people!

That is so funny, because people can't believe how strong I am, either. I mean, granted, I am taller that you, but for some reason, people think I am some kind of delicate flower. I am usually like, hello, no.

Most of the population is taller than me. :P

I know it's been proven that men have more upper-body strength than women, but women have more lower-body strength (for obvious reasons). If anything, we're better at lifting, because we lift with our legs instead of our back and shoulders!

The thing everyone thinks is really weird is that I tend to kick off my shoes (if I'm wearing heels) before I change the bottle. Feet give you better traction and balance!

I guess I should be saying something very snarky or at lease bend a metal bar with my teeth but I just wanted to acknowledge that you actually did listen to some of those old stories. And for the record(not that it matters) the coal stove was free standing and cast iron, God knbows what it weighed and she slipped her key ring over her fingers before she decked the asshole. Jeez I feel like its my duty to go out and pummel someone, any suggestions..................... I guess there is somethuing to this DNA stuff Signed by you know who

Well, that's a great story! How could I not remember it? I didn't know the part about the key ring, though -that makes it even better.

And I'll just repeat what you've always told me - you don't have to look for someone to pummel, just be patient and they'll find you.

Slayer strength not required.

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Oh Yeah

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