take knife and twist.
Jan. 30th, 2002 11:19 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
offbalanceSo here I am at work again, with something that feels like a golf ball in my throat. UGH. The day's been kind of slow, so I've had nothing to do except ruminate on my convo with Pooj last night.
Apparently he's having a 'midlife' crisis and needed a 'clean slate.' So I was just a slate to him, and nothing more. Now, in therapy, he feels 'reborn.' Whatever. God, I am SUCH a fool. I can't believe that I was so taken in by everything he said. I believed every word. And I meant everything I said. And the whole thing was one lie after another. I believed everything. I let him in, the full access pass. And as usual when I let someone that far in, something gets broken, or destroyed.
I didn't think that it was possible for this to hurt more than it did. But it does. And I'm really angry now, too; but that frustrated kind of anger when I burst into tears at the drop of a hat. Adding to this is how physically lousy I feel - tired and run-down and all of that. I just can't believe that all I was was something to clean off of a slate. And he was everything to me.
I'm going to search for some busywork.
Apparently he's having a 'midlife' crisis and needed a 'clean slate.' So I was just a slate to him, and nothing more. Now, in therapy, he feels 'reborn.' Whatever. God, I am SUCH a fool. I can't believe that I was so taken in by everything he said. I believed every word. And I meant everything I said. And the whole thing was one lie after another. I believed everything. I let him in, the full access pass. And as usual when I let someone that far in, something gets broken, or destroyed.
I didn't think that it was possible for this to hurt more than it did. But it does. And I'm really angry now, too; but that frustrated kind of anger when I burst into tears at the drop of a hat. Adding to this is how physically lousy I feel - tired and run-down and all of that. I just can't believe that all I was was something to clean off of a slate. And he was everything to me.
I'm going to search for some busywork.
