take knife and twist.

[offbalance]

So here I am at work again, with something that feels like a golf ball in my throat. UGH. The day's been kind of slow, so I've had nothing to do except ruminate on my convo with Pooj last night.

Apparently he's having a 'midlife' crisis and needed a 'clean slate.' So I was just a slate to him, and nothing more. Now, in therapy, he feels 'reborn.' Whatever. God, I am SUCH a fool. I can't believe that I was so taken in by everything he said. I believed every word. And I meant everything I said. And the whole thing was one lie after another. I believed everything. I let him in, the full access pass. And as usual when I let someone that far in, something gets broken, or destroyed.

I didn't think that it was possible for this to hurt more than it did. But it does. And I'm really angry now, too; but that frustrated kind of anger when I burst into tears at the drop of a hat. Adding to this is how physically lousy I feel - tired and run-down and all of that. I just can't believe that all I was was something to clean off of a slate. And he was everything to me.

I'm going to search for some busywork.

Comments

Pooja

[(Anonymous)]

Maybe Pooja should stop helping you. Why was it necessary for her to tell you this? Mom

With Friends Like

[(Anonymous)]

Sharon you have to realize that he doesn't see himself as a bad guy just misunderstood. Let him have his excuses, you know the truth. Oh, and for the record its is always RIGHT to go into a relationship honestly and not be a bullshitter. Yes, sometimes you get hurt but in the long run you are the one who will have a HAPPY LIFE, I promise. Let him tell himself whatever he has to, so he can get through the day. You know the truth and live in a real world --- he is lving in fantasyland.

DAD

[angelicillusion.livejournal.com]

Sharon -

I agree with your mom and dad. First off why is Pooja volunteering to play messenger? If he wanted to let you know all that he should have been able to tell you himself NOT through her. If you're friends between 2 people you should know better than to tell the other person what's been said by the other. Your JOB in the greater scheme of things is to sympathsize and emphasize with each person and keep your trap shut about the whole mess. You are NOT supposed to play the he said she said game. It just causes more problems and heartache in the end. Secondly, you're SUPPOSED to be honest and care about the person when you get into a relationship. There is nothing wrong with that. The fact of the matter is that you're a much stronger person that he EVER was or will be. Please don't get the idea that whenever you get close to a person they'll end up hurting you because that's not true. You are a terrific and loveable person. LOTS of people LOVE you and when you finally find a guy that's worthy of all your great qualities you'll see. Unfortunately you have to go through a million and one douchebags but in the end it's worth while. Don't give up and for GOD'S SAKES don't let the moron from Michigan ROB you of all the great things you've built yourself up into. Luv ya Sharon!!!
xoxo
Kathy