Setbacks and Sore Points

So, yesterday, I saw my doc for the follow up. And I got the full prognosis/report.

Things are not nearly as positive as I'd hoped/thought.

For starters, there was a LOT more wrong with the ankle than just shards of cartilage everywhere. My mom swears that she and the doc explained this to me after the surgery, but did agree that it was entirely possible that information wasn't permeating my drug-addled state.

So basically the situation is this. Yes, the cartilage broke and flew every which and painful way possible. What's more, is that a big ass piece of bone also broke. And was also bouncing around amidst the cartilage, having fun with all the nerves and things you find in an ankle. There's even pictures from the surgery! The doctor had to remove the chipped-off section of bone, and drill holes in the remaining bone to promote blood flow and stimulate the regrowth of the chipped section. I'm also on Glucosamin for that purpose.

That's the good news.

The not-so-good news? Crutches. For six weeks. No weight on the left leg. For six weeks. Doc took the dressing off, but made it abundantly clear that the foot can't hold weight. It can be used for occasional balance (like showers) but nothing much more.

That also means no subway. And just trying to get from my apartment to the car on the crutches is an ordeal. Forget trying to go three avenues and two blocks to the express bus. Not to mention that gettng into the bus itself would not work. To say that I'm not great on the crutches is an understatement. Sunday night I almost broke a toe on the side opposite the broken ankle because I swung my leg into the crutch. (Doc said it wasn't broken, but it's bruised and hurting almost as badly.)

So I called work. I told them the deal and said that I would be happy to either work from home or come in if someone wanted to send a car for me to do so. HR was not interested in this. (I'm sure on crutches I'm a Workman's Comp claim waiting to happen). So it looks like I'm going to have to take some short-term disability time for the next month or so. My bosses were pretty understanding about the whole thing, surprisingly. I guess no one wants this kind of thing to happen to them, so there's no point of giving someone crap about it. One boss pointed out that me being exhausted from traveling and in pain every day might not be the best thing, and maybe it's just better for me to get better and come back after.

She's not wrong - I am in pain. Today was the first day I didn't really need the painkillers the doc prescribed for post-surgery. Naturally, I felt guilty about not feeling so badly. My brain says all sorts of nasty things to me unless I'm absolutely cross-eyed with pain. It wears on you after awhile. The brainweasles actually convinced me tonight that I could probably stand up and be just fine, since laying down didn't hurt anymore.

Brainweasles are not smart animals.

It hurt. Very much. I stood by my couch for a second - just stood! - and saw stars. Ankle has been yelling at me about this poor life choice for an hour or so now. Ankle definitely hurts again. ::sigh::

I love time off as much as the next guy, but I'm tired of feeling useless and helpless. j_bkl has had to do so much for me the last few days that I'm actually concerned about him going back to work tomorrow. I hate that I have to feel this way. And that for the next 5 or so weeks, I'm going to be this damn way. I'm someone who cherishes their independence and self-sufficiency, and all of that is pretty much out the window right now. It's going to be hard not to be depressed about it.

That's pretty much the lay of the land right now. Home for the next month or so. Not happy about it. Not really much to do about it except catch up on some movie and tv viewings and maybe do something creative, too. We'll see. I'll be doing whatever I have to do in order to get better and not go insane in the process.