I think it's a sign that you've met the right one when he doesn't make you do that.
I'm not sure if that's true, necessarily. Especially since this has nothing to do with him, and everything to do with my own neuroses.
You know me well enough to know that I'm a fond believer in second, third, fifth, ninth, and twelfth chances.
Then why would you think others do that to you?
Therein lies the question I've been working on for some time now. The reality is that I don't know. It grew out of a self-preservation instinct many years ago, I think, and for whatever reason, it stuck around. Self-confidence (or lack thereof) plays a part in it, too. I think it goes back to a deep-set fear of being anything resembling vulnerable at any point, lest I be prone to some kind of attack. Another thing I have to figure out a way to get over. Like all things, I guess it stems from that universal fear of getting hurt or rejected.
I don't have a ton of experience when it comes to dating, so I always worry that I'm doing The Wrong Thing. What's the Wrong Thing? Any number of 100 stupid things I've gotten in to my head thanks to bad advice and magazines. Part of getting over The Wrong Thing goes back to my old battle of whether I should trust my instincts or not. Part of me is very empirical, and I like a set list of instructions before I proceed with anything. With dating, there are not instructions or set rules, but everyone and their Aunt Sadie has an idea of what they should be, and how important they are or aren't. This has led to a lot of panic and confusion in my life, because I'm terrified of being wrong, or making some misstep. I have to make myself really believe that it's okay to just go for it and relax. I know that's what I need to do, I just have to force myself to believe it.
I usually think it's adorable if he's somewhat nervous. (But I don't follow - if he is nervous it means he likes me, but if I'm nervous it's not a good thing? How does that work?)
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Date: 2008-03-18 01:21 pm (UTC)I'm not sure if that's true, necessarily. Especially since this has nothing to do with him, and everything to do with my own neuroses.
You know me well enough to know that I'm a fond believer in second, third, fifth, ninth, and twelfth chances.
Then why would you think others do that to you?
Therein lies the question I've been working on for some time now. The reality is that I don't know. It grew out of a self-preservation instinct many years ago, I think, and for whatever reason, it stuck around. Self-confidence (or lack thereof) plays a part in it, too. I think it goes back to a deep-set fear of being anything resembling vulnerable at any point, lest I be prone to some kind of attack. Another thing I have to figure out a way to get over. Like all things, I guess it stems from that universal fear of getting hurt or rejected.
I don't have a ton of experience when it comes to dating, so I always worry that I'm doing The Wrong Thing. What's the Wrong Thing? Any number of 100 stupid things I've gotten in to my head thanks to bad advice and magazines. Part of getting over The Wrong Thing goes back to my old battle of whether I should trust my instincts or not. Part of me is very empirical, and I like a set list of instructions before I proceed with anything. With dating, there are not instructions or set rules, but everyone and their Aunt Sadie has an idea of what they should be, and how important they are or aren't. This has led to a lot of panic and confusion in my life, because I'm terrified of being wrong, or making some misstep. I have to make myself really believe that it's okay to just go for it and relax. I know that's what I need to do, I just have to force myself to believe it.
I usually think it's adorable if he's somewhat nervous. (But I don't follow - if he is nervous it means he likes me, but if I'm nervous it's not a good thing? How does that work?)