offbalance: (abba)
[personal profile] offbalance
Who in hell told Pierce Brosnan he could sing? Because they were wrong. So, so, so VERY wrong.

I just got back from seeing the unholy, flaming train wreck known as Mamma Mia. I just. WHY? WHY? Why was this made? I have to believe that the stage show is better, because that was just...good Lord.

I agree with [livejournal.com profile] blergeatkitty's assessment that Meryl Streep was probably drunk the entire time. And Amanda Seyfreid was okay, but I've seen her do better. A LOT better. But I don't know - maybe bouncing around like an idiot and shrieking a lot constitutes a good performance these days. Colin Firth hit his marks and collected his paychecks, and I think Stellan Saarsgaard wandered onto the set not knowing exactly what was going on.

And oh, it gets worse. So much worse. The choreography! (I've seen better shit in high school, and that's after Christine Viola started doing the musicals). I mean, they jumped around and flailed aimlessly vaguely to the music. It was sort of terrifying to watch. And do not even get me started on the low-brow slapstick, usually at the expense of the female characters. Even worse was the main thrust of the plot, the idea that no woman could have a truly happy and fulfilling life without a man in it. Perhaps that's not what they were going for, but the insipid dialogue really didn't help. The theater was laughing AT the movie, not with it.

There is really no way to fully encapsulate the pure suck that was this movie. No, really. More suck than a black hole in a vortex. It was worse than Across the Universe, and I didn't even think that was possible.

I'm just glad that [livejournal.com profile] alcestis, [livejournal.com profile] blergeatkitty and I decided to do this on El Cheapo Night at Cobble Hill. Because damn. It wasn't Xanadu (the movie) bad, but it was damn close.

Date: 2008-08-01 11:39 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] blergeatkitty.livejournal.com
I stand by my assessment that it was like watching two hours of Viva Laughlin.

Date: 2008-08-01 11:39 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] blergeatkitty.livejournal.com
No, I amend that. It was like watching FOUR hours of Viva Laughlin.

Date: 2008-08-01 01:34 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] offbalance.livejournal.com
One of these days, I'm going to have to find that online somewhere and see it in all of it's epic, awful glory.

Date: 2008-08-01 01:38 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] blergeatkitty.livejournal.com
You are a braver woman than I. I saw about twenty minutes of it and the scars are deep.

(I'm just waiting and waiting for someone to come in here all, "but Viva Blackpool was so good and blah blah blah" and I'll be all, "I don't give a rat's ass, this is a different show and it sucked and I'm not way into British shit so the chances that I'll ever watch this other Viva thing are slim indeed.")

Date: 2008-08-01 02:15 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] offbalance.livejournal.com
The more I hear, the more curious I am. I realize I can be burned by this (NEVER FORGET: XANADU), but I don't care. Hot stove? Whatever.

(I do like Blackpool, but I think there was a definite reason it was only one for one, six-episode series.)

Date: 2008-08-01 12:16 pm (UTC)
ext_11786: (Default)
From: [identity profile] dotfic.livejournal.com
Oh dear. I think I made the right decision waiting for netflix on that one.

Date: 2008-08-01 01:35 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] offbalance.livejournal.com
You so did. You have no idea how much you did.

(Dark Knight, however, was worth EVERY PENNY.)

Date: 2008-08-01 01:41 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] alcestis.livejournal.com
Water sports!

Date: 2008-08-01 02:15 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] offbalance.livejournal.com
STILL FUNNY!!

Date: 2008-08-01 01:58 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] firynze.livejournal.com
I still enjoyed it. Just because Meryl seemed to be having so much fun, drunk or no.

I agree that I hate the general theme of the movie - you need a MAN, woman! - but hilarity still ensued, whether intentional or not...

Date: 2008-08-01 02:16 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] offbalance.livejournal.com
Oh, definitely. All of these things. But yeah. We just sort of sat and watched all of this car crash in an appropriate manner. (Heckling. LOTS of heckling.)

Date: 2008-08-01 02:17 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] firynze.livejournal.com
Heeeeeee, that works. I suspect I'm going to be renting it or *ahem* otherwise acquiring it at a later date specifically because it's going to be AWESOME to heckle while drunk.

Date: 2008-08-01 04:37 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] quodlibetic.livejournal.com
Sounds like a movie to watch while quite drunk. :)

Date: 2008-08-01 08:18 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] teany.livejournal.com
The musical was one of those things you didn't want to like, but inevitably did. Sounds like the movie is the opposite. The power of The Firth is strong, though....

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