A Brooklyn Girl Talks Back

[offbalance]

j_bkl (and some commenters in his journal) have sounded off on last night's HIMYM, calling them out for their handling of the New York vs. New Jersey. Now, I don't really have too much against the Garden State. They've given us a lot. Fine malls, stadiums, a nice airport, Kevin Smith, no sales tax, and um, I'm sure many other things I can't think of before my second cup of tea. I've had great times in Hoboken and two of my best friends live in a really lovely part of Jersey City, full of great restaurants, cool shops, and lots of art festivals. It's a seriously cool place, and it takes less time to get between there and the city than some parts of Queens. Which is amazing to me.

I didn't see last night's episode as an indictment against New Jersey. It wasn't truly about New York vs. New Jersey to me, but rather, the City vs. the Suburbs. New Jersey was chosen because it unfortunately has nationwide rep that isn't exactly positive. But the side of Jersey that we saw was indecipherable from Westchester, Long Island, or even Connecticut - it was simply standing in for A Suburb.

Though the part of Brooklyn I grew up in was kind of suburban (lawns, trees, close to a mall, lack of 24-hour bodegas and a long shlep to the train), it still touched by the city (semi-reliable public transportation, foot traffic, varied restaurant choices). The city was there, and I ran away from my old neighborhood as much as I could. If anything, Marine Park was sort of a Chinese Restaurant menu of city and suburb - there were plenty of things from column A and column B.

I've been to the suburbs many times. I spent four years in a suburb of Albany attending University. I have relatives in Long Island, and have visited friends in Connecticut, Jersey, and Westchester. The houses are charming, the streets are clean, everything is quiet and green, and there's room for multiple-car garages in addition to a sprawling lawn. Actually, sprawl is a good word for a suburb. It sort of stretches out over all available land area, whereas in the Brooklyn where I grew up, things were a bit more space-conscious. It's even tighter in the part of Brooklyn I live in now, and definitely tighter in Manhattan. I definitely agreed with Marshall's rant at the end of the episode - you have tons of room to stretch out in the burbs. Big houses, big cars, big stores. Everything out there is big.

While I sympathize with Marshall's plight (as much as one can sympathize with a fictional character), I have the opposite problem - the wide open spaces and deserted nature of the suburbs most commonly found in New Jersey (for this argument's sake) give me the twitches. Jersey City and Hoboken are one thing entirely, but going far out, where NO ONE is outside, no one is walking, and seemingly no one interacts ever gives me the creeps. I find the insular nature of the area, its dependence on cars and its removal from crowds and civilization to be entirely depressing. Everyone is shut up in their homes. No one seems to go out the way that they do in the city - perhaps they don't feel the same need to, what with their big, sprawling dwellings, they find no reason to go outside. They go to the mall, or to Costco, or to Ikea, or they watch tv (or maybe there's yardwork, too. Never was sure about that). They drive everywhere. Not that I'm defending Ted (seriously, dude, you're from Cleveland. STFU.), but if he grew up in the stale, staid, cold, distant world that is the suburbs, I can totally understand why he'd want to never go back after living somewhere as exciting and crowded and alive as a city like New York. I'm guessing Stella never ventured far from home, but if she loves it there so much, I wonder why she has a practice on the UWS if she lives in Jersey. Wouldn't it make more sense, especially since she has a daughter, to keep her practice closer to home? They do have doctors in Jersey - even good ones - from what I hear. I could sort of see her reasons for wanting to stay (the I Own An Entire House argument especially), but I almost wish Ted had asked her about that little point during her This Place Is Way Better speech. Personally, I don't see how an area so deserted is "safer," in any way, but that's my inner city girl coming to surface. As for schools? You're looking at a product of the New York City Public School System - kindergarten through 12th grade. The schools are a bit crowded by some standards (always were - 30-35 to a class was normal for me), but if you can keep the kid focused, they'll do just fine. Kids play in a playground or the street instead of a yard. I did. It was fun, actually. Driveway baseball takes a lot more skill that one realizes when the driveway is barely big enough for a Sable Sedan to pass through. I really don't see the argument how the burbs are a better place to grow a kid, and I find the conceit that this is common knowledge to be vaguely insulting. Lots of well-educated, well-loved, well-cared for kids sprout from urban centers - and not just from prep or private schools, either. How is it better to be so removed from your other playmates (as my young cousin is) that every playdate has to be scheduled weeks in advance, just so they can plan to make the drive between houses?

I guess it just boils down to what you're used to, and I rarely have seen a suburb that I'd be happy living in full time. Maybe I just haven't seen one yet. To me, the city is Patsy's and Lombardi's, the suburbs are Dominoes and Pizza Hut. The city is Les Halles and Becco, the suburbs are Applebee's and Olive Garden. There's something specific, something special, that's just lacking out there. While I'm sure there are benefits, I don't see them being as great as the benefits you get by living in the city all day, every day. Especially this city.

Comments

[stacyinthecity.livejournal.com]

you are taunting me! :) I have missed all of How I Met Your Mother this season, so I need to catch up. But I want to read your post! :)

[offbalance.livejournal.com]

Dude, what are you waiting for? CBS.Com! Now! March!

[antheia.livejournal.com]

You know what? I had zero problem with what went down in last night's episode. I absolutely agree with Ted. I have avoided dating people who lived in Jersey. I considered it a HUGE gesture of friendship that I used to get on the Path to head out to visit Cathy. I grew up traveling out there to visit my cousins, and I hated it (NJ, specifically). I have lived in the country, spent a lot of time in the suburbs and have grown up in the City and I am not ashamed of my snobbery. I recognize that it's my own set of issues, and that for others, the suburban lifestyle is ideal. But I sympathized with Ted quite a bit. I think that for someone, transplant or no, who is made for city life, moving to the suburbs, and particularly NJ, is a big deal.

Also, obviously, they overplayed it some for the comedy. But still.

[offbalance.livejournal.com]

I have lived in the country, spent a lot of time in the suburbs and have grown up in the City and I am not ashamed of my snobbery.

This? Just another of the many reasons I love you.

I think that for someone, transplant or no, who is made for city life, moving to the suburbs, and particularly NJ, is a big deal.

Exactly. And I think that if they'd ditched the silly subplot about Robin running back to get her old job back, they might have had a little extra time to devote to maybe expressing that.

Still, they're moving towards breaking Ted & Stella up, so yay. Move along, now.

[ashen-butterfly.livejournal.com]

Exactly. And I think that if they'd ditched the silly subplot about Robin running back to get her old job back, they might have had a little extra time to devote to maybe expressing that.


I would almost agree with you on that - but I think they are trying to develop Robin a bit beyond - Hey I am from Canada and hot! schtick. The subplot did make it about her making the choice to move on in her life (this is a show about 30 somethings) and how that choice will hopefully open bigger, better doors. So - it was cool that she had something of substance for a change.

[antheia.livejournal.com]

This? Just another of the many reasons I love you.
*laughs heartily*

Still, they're moving towards breaking Ted & Stella up, so yay. Move along, now.
Exactly!

[blergeatkitty.livejournal.com]

So are we not allowed to prefer New York to New Jersey if we didn't grow up in the city? I think everybody needs to immediately stop ragging on Ted for being from Cleveland. He doesn't live there now, does he?

[offbalance.livejournal.com]

Now, let's be clear - I don't hate on Ted because he's from Cleveland. I'm hating because he's a douche. That's primary.

It's just incomprehensible. They never explained WHY he hates Jersey, just that he does. And since he didn't grow up here, he had a limited amount of time to have experiences with Jersey that would lead to such unabashed hatred, which made a few of us raise our eyebrows.

Now, someone who has lived here for awhile and had opportunities to have negative experiences with Jersey is one thing. They never bothered to explain just what it was that Ted hated or why. He didn't seem to hate it that much when Lily and Marshall attempted to elope to Atlantic City, where did this newfound, retconned hatred come from?

(I plan to re-watch the S2 episode "Atlantic City" to further research this.)

Ted

[j-bkl.livejournal.com]

I dig your perspective, offbalance.

I'm biased, but what can I say?

As for Ted bashing...

We are supposed to bash Ted. Ted is a youngish man who has always been a bit of ostentatious snob, trying to prove how cool he is. In college, he was a fake, arty guy with smarty glasses. In his post college life, he's all about being the "New York City Guy."

So he's there to be mocked for his immaturity, and cheered for his growing up. The point of his Jersey bashing is to show what a selfish dick he can be, the overly sentimental "Jersey Girl" montage was to show him being the caring guy we love. In a second, he dropped his fight with Stella, and was there for his stepdaughter to be.

THAT IS THE TED WE HAVE MET!

He had to choose one world to be in more, and so he finally did.

(And where does Stella live? What train line? Bergen or Monmouth county? Thoughts?)

Stella chose to lie about Star Wars because she loves Ted. Ted chose to move to NJ because he loves Stella and her daughter. Now, whether or not they can build a relationship based on major compromises, we'll see.

But they have both made some sacrifices for their relationship to work, and that's why Ted earned props at the end of the episode.

And can some explain to me why Lily went from being pale and reddish to half-Lebanese in complexion and hair color? I mean, she looks good, but not like Lily or Alyson Hannigan have ever looked before.